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Jim Burns focused on the issue of helping parents with spiritual formation and discipleship.  Once again, a speaker who had 3 daughters.  I suppose I should listen to all of the speakers neutrally, especially knowing how many faults my own speaking is prone to, even though I’ve 3 daughters also.  Nevertheless, when one of these people says “My 3 girls”, it’s like they’ve said the magic words, and I listen attentively as if they know the secret knowledge my life will require in the next 20+ years.

Burns reminded us of the “big/macro picture”, that when we focus more on reaching the family, we truly equip ourselves to reach the world….which is made up of naturally replenishing family systems.  In all of the fuss about church growth, and “seeker-sensitive” churches, attractive programs targeting youth, college, young adult, singles, etc…we can often lose track that one of the primary foci of the Church is on mentoring parents.

He also emphasized a point we’ve come to realize more and more as parents of infants/toddlers.  That the Sunday morning worship service mindset often has little room for kids like ours.  They make people uncomfortable, annoyed, and desire to build things like “crying rooms”, and announce from the pulpit reminders that nursery/toddler rooms are provided in case your kids don’t know how to be quiet and sit still like the 70 year olds around them.

To any parents reading at this point who think “Yes! That’s how I feel!”, or a pastor who thinks perhaps we’re guilty of that too often – I would recommend a book that was recommended to use recently.  “Parenting in the Pew” talks about how to allow our children to participate in worship on Sunday’s, to the benefit both of our family, and the church family who needs the reminder from Christ in Mark 9:36-37…when we welcome a child, we welcome Jesus.  We’ve very thankful/blessed to be part of a worshiping community where this is happening more and more. 🙂

He finished by ringing a few more important alarms, such as reminding pastors and parents in general to ask ourselves the question, “Am I only giving my family my emotional/energy scraps?”, to be caring for our children and our spouses first.  He recommended 3 major paradigm shifts:
1. Discipleship BEGINS in the home. We need to facilitate, invite, and encourage this.
2. Teach parents to become “students” of the culture.
3. Our job is to set the pace with our own home/family lives.  Integrity/Authenticity, and plenty of margin.

By this point in the D6 Conference, we’d met several speakers who were parents of 3 daughters.  I enjoyed listening to these particularly for obvious reasons.  Haynes spoke specifically on the topic of “What is Family Ministry, and what does it look like?”  The question of how do we encourage parents as they pour into their children intentionally, leading to multi-generational discipleship naturally occurring in our church families.

He focused quite a bit on the concept of “Milestones”, which seemed to serve several purposes.  Both to give a sort of “rite of passage” quality to maturing in Christ, but also to remind parents/youth that they are on a journey to something “next”.  Haynes called parents to remember the importance of “Blessing” their children, and celebrating things as a family.

He offered a common path of “Milestones” to be celebrated both by church AND family:

 – Parent/Baby Dedication
 – Faith Commitment
 – Preparing for adolescence
 – Purity for life
 – Right of passage (i.e. being blessed by parents)
 – High School Graduation
 – Life in Christ

In actual homes, he emphasized what practical actions were useful to focus on across the board.  Things for families to make sure they practice regularly are:

 – Faith Talks – crazy how low a percentage of families actually talk/pray in regards to God and Spirituality.
 – God Moments – the whole “home and away, when you walk and when u rise”. Watch for the everyday moments where God can be pointed out/revealed.
 – Celebrate Milestones – especially the ones listed above!!!
 – Abide – John 15:5 🙂

Haynes talked a bit about small groups catching onto these concepts as one of the few ways to bring the exact message to homes around the community.  To be purposeful, as: “the purpose of small groups is to create adult disciples in order to have parents who can disciple children.”  Now obviously that cannot apply across the board, and I wouldn’t put that on a small group advertisement. 

By this point in the week, I was getting hungry for more of the “Why” to actually be spoken of.  Something beyond simply growing more and more homes full of more and more/deeper disciples.  Something beyond simply finding a more effective way of making sure young adults feel like they can be connected to God’s purposes here.

..and that was on it’s way. 🙂

Vicki was going to speak on “Reaching Families without Sacrificing Spiritual Orphans in Youth Ministry”, or at least that was the suggested title within the notebook we were all given to contain our scribblings.  As to the topic, I think she touched on it here and there.

What it felt more like was a session titled, “Here are some really good points, with some compelling filler from a woman who cares a lot.”  🙂

The points were all over the map:

 – She read from the now-very-popular and often-linked story from CNN about the massive amounts of teenagers who “fake” being a Christian due to the life situations they find themselves in….but as they grow find other interests.  Some good stuff there, I’d recommend it to all parents, for sure.

 – She commented on how ridiculous amounts of parenting books exist for expecting parents, parents of newborns…etc.  They are among the top sellers nationwide.  But the list of parenting books for discipling teenagers, and young adults?  Very few.  And even fewer the parents who take advantage of such resources.

 – At one point, she read some “Letters to the Editor” from “Seventeen Magazine” from the mid-1940’s.  Surprising to hear parents thank the publication for their fine attention to moral standards, and for being such a positive influence on young women.  I don’t suppose they receive too many of those messages these days.

 – Courtney emphasized 3 common parental traits among youth raised in the church who leave religion:
          1.  Parents model something OTHER than the Love of God as their primary affection.
          2. Parents fail to acknowledge their role as the primary discipler of their child.
          3. Parents/leaders can often focus more on behavior modification than heart inhabitation.

As she moved toward closing, she reminded the audience that her words were not meant only for parents of children/teens, and youth pastors.  That being “primary source” of discipling doesn’t end when they move out of the house.  Sure, it’ll take on different forms, but at no point in the life do we find ourselves smacking our left knee saying, “I messed up.”

I like that.  And it’s a good reminder/Hope for parents who hear all of this late in the child’s life…you’re not done!  Encourage them into relationship with other Godly adults, and seek to live toward Christ and His bride yourself.  And pray….pray…..pray. 🙂