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In context of such phrases as “Family Ministries”, where do singles fit in?  And not just those who aren’t married, but also those who are divorced, widowed, or “spiritually single” (the only one in their family who is open to Christ).  Randy Stinson brought some good words for those of us married with children and ministering to people from different home situations.

– No one comes to church without their family.  We have all been adopted in Christ.  Find ways to call people to relate as Mother/Father (as elders of children), or Brother/Sister (of each other), or Daughter/Son (of God).  No one shows up and finds themselves an island….or shouldn’t at least.  Ministry to single people often comes in relating to them not as “single”, but as a family member.

A good point was made that all of this “D6” talk was not about programs, but about a climate change.

We are called to help single (all of the above types) people anticipate what might be coming next as a son/daughter of Christ.  What is likely?  Marriage, kids, career, bringing justice, restoration, healing, relating, joining with God in making all things new.  To create a “connectional climate” in our congregations, where relationships are being built.

Someone asked a question during the Q/A time, “What about a single who says they might change churches to find someone to date, because selection is limited here?”

There came the reminder that church services are not a dating arena, and definitely weren’t historically either, with men and women always being separated in worship areas.  Encourage extra-curricular activities, church events, mission trips, possibly even partnering with another church, and don’t discourage them from joining a “single’s” group from elsewhere.  Obviously, many times…they won’t ask. 🙂

Stinson closed lamenting the current “Generation Me” which he said included people in their mid to late 20’s (me).  That this is a generation all about themselves, and have that mindset “What’s in it for me?” when attending a worship service.  I don’t think it’s limited to my generation, but I would agree with his general point there.  But pointing it out isn’t helpful, unless we respond somehow to move those we love from a self-serving experience of God, to an “other”-oriented approach…as seen throughout scripture.

The general flow of the seminar “How to be a HERO to parents in (student) ministry”.  Steve Wright gave quite a bit of background and personal information, which ends up being par for course in the “pre-conference” labs we go to from the D6 Conference.  Nevertheless, there are some pretty good highlights in his time.

He talked about 7 Moorings of Student Ministries, which sounded like “foundations”, even though he never quite told us why he chose the word Moorings….or instruct us on how to spell it.  The 7 are:

1. Support and lean on the Authority of Scripture
2. Stand on biblical conviction
3. Role of being a pastor – 1 Timothy 3
4. Priority of the 2 Institutions

I realize that’s only 4, but that’s all he gave us before moving on because time was limited.  It’s also quite possible that 5-7 were somehow in between those, and I was simply not a good enough note taker.  At any rate, I really appreciated 2 and 3 specifically.

2. The biblical conviction, specifically, that PARENTS ARE THE PRIMARY SOURCE OF DISCIPLESHIP FOR THEIR CHILDREN.  How much does my ministry reflect that?  If that was the litmus test, I would probably lose my job pretty quick right now.  I suppose that’s why we’re all here together, a collective “kick in the pants” for the areas we are missing out on what God desires for the home.

3. Role of being a pastor.  Especially as a parent of very young children, who often feels guilty about how that impacts my ministry.  I think it’s safe to tell you I’ve actually had a parent, with good intentions I’m sure, say “I’ll bet you look forward to when your kids are a bit older, when you can actually do your job, eh?” with a smiling face…thinking I’d laugh with them.  I was stunned.  But nevertheless…yes…my very young children require a different type of care than their teens.  But in 1 Timothy 3, we hear words of encouragement.  When God wants to give instruction on what type of leader He desires for His Church….He calls on those who have high priority on caring for their family at home.  For if they can’t care for the affairs of their own family, why call on them to lead in the Church?

A few practical ideas he gave also:
– Families need WORSHIP times at home, which can come in many types and names.
 – Host events that REQUIRE parents come, for teens to attend.
 – Encourage/foster written communication from parents TO teens.
– Resource PARENTS to be the “ministry” hero. (activities, family retreats, parties, etc.)
 – Helping families to become MISSIONAL together. Not just doing a mission trip, but finding something that brings “mission” to the work a family is doing for the Kingdom TOGETHER.  Prayer, raising money, working with hands, relating, whatever.  Some echoes here of Donald Miller’s most recent book about a million miles or somethin’ like that…..crafting a story for our families worth living as part of.

“What is perhaps the largest obstacle that keeps you from being a church that reflects the concepts in Deuteronomy 6 of the home being the primary vehicle for developing disciples?”

And so began many of the thoughts, discussions, and internal dialogues with previous mind/hearts as we were literally “being made New” in regard to foundations of our ministries.  I speak mainly for myself, but the D6 Conference (based on the concepts of Deuteronomy 6:4-9), even though it was not presenting something theologically radical, was definitely presenting an approach to discipleship that goes against the grain.

Several at our table summed up our “one main obstacle” in concepts like that of “Inertia”.  That even if we are a church that decides “wait a minute, let’s hold still a sec and figure out what is going on”, in order to begin moving in the other direction, we’ll have to take “baby steps” and overall focus on changing the climate rather than simply beginning/launching new programming.

I’ve been both in ministry, and a parent long enough to know – this is not something that comes naturally.  Whether on behalf of the church leadership, or as a parent, it is so much easier to go along with the flow of what we naturally do on a weekly basis.

As a church, it’s easier and back-pattingly worthwhile for us as a church to say, either verbally or in how our church is wired, “step back parent/family, and allow us to do it…after all, we want to show you our degree and years of training are worthwhile…ish.”

As parents, I’ve seen it over and over again that a parent is “at the end of their rope” in one way or another, and decides that being more faithful at dropping the kids off for a couple hours on Wednesday night will solve whatever has been ailing.  Or possibly even, gasp, becoming more regular attenders on Sunday mornings…as long as it meets certain “worth my time investment/effort” criteria…..it should fix the few blemishes on our homefront….right?

But all of the research and experience point to no.  No, an increased effort to ensure that our families participate in services on Sundays and Wednesdays does not automatically yield an overall improvement in our home reflecting God and bringing about His Kingdom.  What we truly seek for our homes, families, and ultimately for our churches, will come only from a deepening and purposeful rediscovery of what God desires/envisions.

And so…the next few posts will probably focus a bit on the specific words from those who have begun that journey already….we’ll see what God acccomplishes in and through us!