Posted in Uncategorized

the end of not knowing you.

We’ve hit an important mark in the long road of our journey together.

It was Thanksgiving break, 1999, somewhere in Holt, Michigan.  I was using the internet in the closet-turned-office of my friend Marcus.  A few of us who were close in high school were trying to hang out and pretend we were all still just as cool as a year ago.  Well, they were still cool at least.  I had become unmoored, and was splashing in the ocean of college life.   We’d returned from a White Castle and Meijer adventure together, and were just chillin’ quietly upstairs.

But in that closet, “chaddlz” was talking to “SNicol99” on AOL Instant Messenger.  I remember shushing the guys when I realized she was “online”, so I could focus.  Here was my moment.  I was going to ask this ridiculously pretty girl who was passionate for Jesus if she’d want to do something together.  ONU had a “Christmas Banquet” each year, where we’d get all fancified to eat and pretend we weren’t bummed we couldn’t dance together.

Of course, I didn’t want to come on too strong.  “I think it’d be fun to go to the Christmas banquet together.” (I should have left it there….but I was freaking out.  My pulse was pounding, my hands were sweaty, and I was praying “the guys” wouldn’t come wonder what I was doing…so I kept typing.)  “..You know, just as friends?”

Regretting those last 5 words, I’d spend the next several days searching for opportunity to talk about “us” in some way or another.  Like a desperate gold miner, searching for any sign that he was close to a fortune, I sifted through conversation.  Finally it happened. On December 6th, 1999, we talked about “what we were looking for” in someone, someday….as if neither of us were considering the person we were talking to.  She practically dropped it in my lap…”..you know, the kind of person I can grow closer to God with.  The kind of person I could do devotions with.”

The best/worst pick-up line ever used in 90’s teenage Christian culture was obviously my best and most genuine option:  “So…would you want to start doing devotions together?”

“I would like that very much.”

I’m pretty sure the smile of my heart would’ve made Mickey Mouse seem depressed.  We attended a Christmas jazz concert that weekend, where the song of my heart’s joy was too loud to hear any instruments.  So here we are, over 18 years later.  We have finally known each other longer than we’ve not known each other.  Not sure if that’s a “thing” people have a word for, but I’m celebrating it.  This woman has helped me learn more about the love of God, and challenged me to continue in pursuing Him together.   I’m incredibly blessed, and thankful.

Posted in Different Moments, Different Scriptures, Uncategorized

Why Does God…

In class this month, we’re studying theories of the atonement. It’s really big worded stuff (actually a great book) about why smart people think Jesus did what he did the way he did. It’s easy to shrug it off as unimportant, but as I spend time reading the words about theories like “Christus Victor”, “Penal Substitution”, “Healing View”, and “Kaleidoscopic View” – I’m struck by just how huge a thing God has accomplished, and continues to accomplish through Jesus. Sin has actually been defeated. Death has no victory. Jesus has suffered, and we no longer need to. We have been reconciled with each other, creation, and most importantly – God. There are great reminders from each of these theories – each of which is humanity wanting to know God more fully.

It can be done wrong, when it’s a quest to assert our position as “The One” that’s right. When we’re trying to formulate an argument or assemble evidence toward our opinion of the divine. It can be akin to Adam and Eve wanting to assert their own knowledge in the garden as superior to Gods’.

But it can be done well, also. I love my wife. I want to know everything about her, and the motivations of her heart. I want to know why she chooses certain things and certain ways. I want to know – not because I want to possess knowledge or control, but because I love.

I think this is why the new song by Waterdeep connected with me as I listened this morning. The words of Mary in response to what God is doing through Jesus and through her. It’s vulnerable. She seeks to understand, even as she’s honest about her vantage point.

In the midst of writing academic papers, and using limited words to discuss the divine – I want to shove it all aside and sing. To hear song. To recognize for a moment that this right here is a vital part of “doing theology faithfully”. I doubt I’d get an “A” if I submitted an mp3 instead of my next paper, but I can certainly hum this as I click “submit”. 🙂

I hope it finds your heart and life this week, as we begin the Advent season preparing our lives & homes to receive Christ anew…

Posted in Different Moments, Uncategorized

leading from behind…

We carried them.

Then they began to wobble forward.

Next, they grabbed our hands as we ran together.fallersons

Now – they run ahead.

It can be easy to feel like my job is done, but any parent will be quick to remind – we’ve still only just begun.  Walking is not the goal…just another part of the journey.  I love to watch them wander through the woods.  To watch them play, and see the sparks of wonder inspire flames of imagination.  It’s fulfilling, to offer them the ability to lead as we take to the forest, and see them choose paths both winding and well-defined.

There are so many pressures today to grow the next generation of world-changers.  To mold them into products that are marketable on the future economies of skill and value competitions.  To form them into athletic renaissance machines that can out-perform the others and shine in ways that obviously deserve scholarship money.

I’ll confess – I’m not immune to this.  Even in realms of spiritual maturity, there are major parts of me that want my kids to shine with the love of Jesus.  Not for healthy reasons, but to show the world – here, is a product I’ve helped create and offer my fellow humanity as proof of my/our worth.

So every once in a while, on purpose, I slow down.  I watch.  I absorb their wonder.  I stop measuring things and start inefficiently using time with them.  Another confession – I don’t do this enough.  I’m busy.  I’m a student.  I’m a pastor.  I’m a husband.  I’m a ________.

All of that to say – I hadn’t said anything much about parenting in a while, and this was originally a parenting blog. 🙂  So I figured I would remind the reader – I’m still a parent.   I’m not winning any awards, but my kids seem to be increasing in love.  My wife and better half probably deserves a TON of that credit, as she gets the most time at home with them.  But I’ll take a little.  And I’ll watch them run ahead with her, and pause to be thankful for it all..