Tag: Christianity

Posted in Adoption Journey, Uncategorized

Adoption and Men…

Posted on by Wick

When entering the “world” of adoption conversations, especially when you connect to a blog/Facebook group/other online conversation, you’ll quickly notice the primary voices are women.  Certainly God uses “a mothers heart” in many cases, and speaks into a family through the bride.  In other times, it might be the “fathers heart” that He uses to tug toward adoption.  But even in cases where the couple is equally engaged/pulled toward reaching out to the orphan, most often it seems the mother is the one “out there” with the topic, connecting with others and having conversations about the process.  There are a few reasons that stand out as to why this may be happening:

1. Adoption involves a lot of emotion.  Like, gobbs.  The waiting, the picture updates, how far away this child is from you physically, etc.  And as we all know, emotions are for women.  (tongue in cheek)  Even as young boys, men are trained to have Jedi-like control over their emotions.  When someone is being “emotional”, we instantly feel they’re not being “manly”…whatever that might mean.  So even though a man may feel it, they’ll probably keep most of it to themselves.  There’s also a big chance, that even though they care deeply about what’s happening, they don’t have theimage words or the need to put into words all they’re feeling.   That’s because…

2. Men easily compartmentalize.  “The amygdala is a part of the brain that controls our emotional responses. In men, the amygdala communicates with just a few parts of the brain, like the visual cortex and part of the brain responsible for movement. (source: Lloyd) It’s like the amygdala is a power strip, and men have just one appliance plugged in. In comparison, a woman’s power strip is fueling many different appliances. In women, the amygdala is more connected to parts of the brain that control language, which may be why women talk about their feelings. It’s also linked to parts of the brain that control bodily functions like heart rate, blood pressure and digestion, which may be why women get a stomachache or other bodily response when they’re stressed or worried. In comparison, men seem to compartmentalize and show no outward display of emotion. But men still experience all the same emotions that women do, they just don’t cope with them in the same way.” (stolen from a science-ish website)

3. Adoption is much more emasculating than men realize when they “sign up” for it.  It’s sounds like the great plot for a manly story.  “Man helps his family reach out to the other side of the world, where a young child is in need of rescue, he helps bring them home and increases the size and heart of his own family (Christians add here “in the name of Jesus”).”  It’s totally a “knight in shining armor” type thing.  But then the journey actually begins.  He realizes he doesn’t have the finances to do it alone, and has to go around asking others to help.  He’s told by the agency “All of those natural fatherly desires you have to go and do whatever it takes to help your case move forward and bring your child home?  Let ’em go.  We represent you, and it’s in the best interest of everyone for you to let us do so.”  It’s probably true.  With the amount of extortion and corruption trying to seep into international adoptions, it’s really good to have people with experience and dedication to what’s best for the nation and children.

With these elements, and many more being thrown into the mix…our responses are important:

Wives – Understand the differences about how this adoption process impacts you and your husband.  Offer grace when he doesn’t seem geeked out about gushing his adoptive emotions over coffee.  Love him by asking specific questions, give him time to respond…and don’t expect a book.  Pray with him.  Help him connect whatever part of the process you’re in to his manly quest.  Sure, he may not be able to ride over there on a horse and scoop up your child – but he can certainly put on his shining armor and head out to the fingerprints office.  Be thankful that he can breathe slow and steady when you feel all out of sorts, and how God’s heart is reflected in such steadiness.

Husbands – Understand the differences about how this adoption process impacts you and your wife.  Offer grace when it seems she’s carrying a giant heavy burden…because she is.  When seemingly out of nowhere, she tells you how hard it is to endure all of this, and wonders if you even care.  This is your chance to be as manly as you were hoping you could be.  Not by rescuing your child just yet…but by scooping up your wife.  Reassure her.  Pray with her.  Use that focused amygdala to your advantage, and let her cry on your shoulder.  Dig deep into the compartment of adoption emotions and try to communicate what you’re feeling to her.  Be thankful for the depths of her emotions, and see how Gods’ heart is reflected in their mystery and force.

Posted in Different Learning, Different Thoughts

trendy witches?

Posted on by Wick

A new article in “Newsweek” recently caught my attention, talking about a growing number of young people (teens through 30’s) who are interested & participate in the occult/witchcraft.  I’ll be honest…most of the time when someone starts talking to me about witchcraft, or the occult, or even the “wiccan” people….I have flashes of this movie play in my head:

But apparently, it’s gotten more hip.  At least, in big cities that define “hipness” for the rest of us.  I’m not too worried, really.  A news-source is supposed to do what it takes to tell stories that sell more copies.  Getting the general public worried about witches, or making the average Joe who’s looking for something new that’s socially acceptable….will definitely move issues.  Especially around Halloween.

But what caught my attention was toward the end when they had statements from a woman who’d recently moved to Brooklyn.  First she says, “It’s embarrassing to admit you’re religious….But I think a lot of people my age are sick of being nihilistic.  Spirituality is a lot cooler.”  (nihilism = believes values are baseless, and nothing can be known…denies all established authority and institutions)

So she and many others in our culture have thankfully come to realize the result of nihilism…and how empty that approach is to…well, anything.  But to jump from that to the trendiness of a vague “spirituality” definitely seems to be the move our culture is making.  Whether you follow this article as highlighting an actual trend, or you look out your window…we know people are searching for “something”….and it’s much more socially acceptable to keep calling it “something” than Jesus.

Unfortunately, we find a result toward the end of her interview…as she follows up with:  “It’s hard to say if anyone is actually invested in any of this occult stuff they meddle in…it almost devastates me to say this, but daily life can be so mundane.  Applying thematics of epicness to your life makes it more exciting.”

It’s amazing how spot on she is, and yet because of her rejection of “traditional religion”, she’s missing out on the “epicness” of a life lived for Christ, and joining God in His story of redemption/New Creation.

More than anything, her statements and this article can be an encouraging invitation.  Our world is recognizing now more than ever the internal desire to be a part of something much grandeur than ourselves.  Something powerful.  Something that I can actually live for…instead of just wait to die for.  May we, our families, and our churches continue to be places where the story of God is happening in ways that testify to the power of His Spirit…the Love of God….and the New Creation possible in Jesus Christ.  No goat-leggings required.  🙂

Posted in Uncategorized

hard sell?

Posted on by Wick

I’m a pretty good salesman.  I’m also a horrible salesman.  It depends on what you’re measuring, I suppose.  When we first followed God’s call & relocated closer to family, I took a couple different sales jobs.  I volunteered at a small church in town, and learned what it was like working 9-5 (or 8-6, as it often was).  A few months was spent in Radio Advertising, and almost a year was with Pitney Bowes, selling “postage meters/folding machines/etc”.  I was pretty good at connecting relationally with my customers.  I even closed deals.  I could talk excitedly about what I had to offer them, and honestly believed I could help them out.  But when they asked me for the best deal – I’d usually give it to them.  So even though I made sales, I wasn’t the profit-generating machine that was celebrated in the sales realm.

Because of working on the world of advertising/ROI and the like, my radar picks up on sales-pitchy things much more than legosit used to.  I shrink back quickly from anything that smells like being a “salesman for Jesus/Heaven/Youth Group/Church”.  Unfortunately, that’s a large percentage of what’s out there for people seeking Christ to consume.  Bible studies, self-help books, and small group curriculum all geared toward convincing/reminding humanity that to come to Christ is to come to the end to all of your problems.  To arrive at the doors of the church is to arrive at an oasis of plenty.  To believe in Jesus Christ is to have all your prayers answered, every day is a holiday, and every meal’s a feast.

In a broken world, that sounds awesome.  We’re in debt, and even credit is running out fast.  We realize that something better than what we’re experiencing must be out there.  So when the man with the Bible, the nice smile and smooth words tells us that coming to church (and perhaps buying his book) will help fill the void we’ve got, and open doors of potential we previously thought were closed….we’re quick to follow.  The problem comes after some time of believing.  Time of offering our devout faith to a God/Genie, and becoming frustrated when nothing we ask for happens.

You might be nodding while reading this, agreeing that yes – we need to be honest about our expectations.  We need to remember that a call to follow Christ, is a call to the cross.  That we’re not promised what we want will work out the way we plan, by simply “trusting really really hard”.  But at the same time, I want my children to know the Hope we have in Christ.  I want them to experience putting their faith in Him, and having a life transformed.  I suppose it all depends on what we emphasize:

1 – We could emphasize the wrong things to our 5 year old.  Tell her that God wants everything to go perfect for her, and if she invites Jesus into her heart, it will enable all her dreams to come true (Jeremiah 29:11, right?).  Or, we could take the threatening route and tell her that someday she’ll either spend forever in flames or in golden streets and whipped cream.  If she asks Jesus into her heart, she won’t have to burn.  Sure, these spiritual things are bigger/different, but it’s important to speak in a language they simply understand, right?

2 – We could be honest with our 5 year old from the very start.  Tell her that people have made some really bad choices, that make this world a hard place to live sometimes.  But tell her how God has moved in our family already, and how He’s calling & enabling us to be different.  That we can choose to love/forgive, even when it’s hard.  We can be humble, and look for ways to serve others & love our neighbors globally.  We can pray, and know that spending time in God’s presence changes us.  We ask him to fill us with His love, so that in the simple ways we live, God is changing the world.

Sometimes that will lead us down paths where people know our name and smile or applaud.  Other times it may lead us down paths where people know our name and angrily yell.   Still many more times it may mean know one knows our name, but God is with us.

We are never alone, and that seems to be a pretty big point to a savior who was called

“Immanuel – which means ‘God with us’. “

But in a culture where more and more churches and youth ministries are selling the fun/loud/exciting/blessing/health/prosperity/nice teeth/etc…it may become increasingly difficult to be heard.  Still…this is what we speak.