Tag: emotions

Posted in Different Scriptures

Walking Through our Emotional Forest with Jesus (a prayer prompt)

Posted on by Wick

Read slowly, pausing as needed…

In 1 Samuel 16:7, God tells his prophet Samuel, “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” Later in Acts 15:8, as non-Jewish followers of Jesus begin to receive the Holy Spirit, Peter proclaims “God, who knows the heart, shows he accepted them by giving the Holy Spirit to them, just as He did to us.” We believe God doesn’t just “look into” our hearts. He knows our hearts already. As those made in His image, we are aware of hearts and emotions, though we cannot know the hearts of others as He can. In moments like this one, we slow down to become aware of our own hearts in His presence, as it’s the only human heart He enables us to know fully. Knowing our own heart prepares us to share our hearts in reciprocal relationships as those made in His Triune image.

With this in mind, I want to invite you to close your eyes for a moment (or at least, stop looking around as you read these words). Take a deep, slow breath and allow the room around you to fade away. Acknowledge intrusive thoughts as they come, and set them aside for later. With your eyes closed, imagine yourself surrounded by a small forest of full, green, leafy trees. Pay attention to the stillness, the quiet, and how refreshing it is just to breathe deep in this space. You are surrounded by life.

As you imagine the trees surrounding you, you begin to notice there are 6 trees, almost in a circle surrounding you. Many smaller trees and shrubs fill in, but you begin to notice these trees seem to hold a special invitation by God for you to approach and consider. These are the 6 primary emotions we often feel, and each is capable of helping us reflect the image of God in a unique way. In these moments we will listen to the heart of God, who knows our hearts, and allow Him to guide our awareness.

The first tree you notice near you, is the tree of Fear. Where have you felt afraid in the past week? What has made you experience anxiety, or feel rejected by others? Ask God to make you aware of how these feelings have been present. (Pause as God guides, before continuing.) “Lord, we confess that we are sometimes afraid. We do not live in perfect trust with you, and the feeling of fear helps us to become aware of where we can turn to You in new ways. Calm our fears, Jesus. We are thankful for your presence even when we are afraid.” (Take a deep, slow breath before continuing.)

The next tree you notice near you, is the tree of Happiness. Where have you felt happy in the past week? What has made you experience being proud, joyful, or optimistic? Ask God to make you aware of how these feelings have been present. (Pause as God guides, before continuing.) “Lord, we are thankful for those moments our happiness comes from those things which delight you. We confess sometimes we seek happiness in ways that are not of you. Holy Spirit, make us more aware of our happiness, and may we experience the sources of Your Joy.” (Take a deep, slow breath before continuing.)

The next tree nearby is the tree of Anger. Where have you felt angry in the past week? What has made you experience feeling hurt, or threatened by others? Ask God to make you aware of how these feelings have been present. (Pause as God guides, before continuing.) “Lord, we confess that we sometimes feel angry. Your Word offers guidance, ‘In your anger, do not sin.’ We ask that you would guide us to understand how our anger reveals opportunities for growth and healing sourced in Your Holy Spirit this week. Set us free from any chains of anger still holding us, and bring your healing even now, Jesus.” (Take a deep, slow breath before continuing.)

As you look around the trees, you notice the next one is labeled Disgust. Where have you felt disgust this past week? What has made you experience disappointment, disapproval, or the desire to avoid others? Ask God to make you aware of how these feelings have been present. (Pause as God guides, before continuing.) “Lord Jesus, you experienced the disgust of injustice. You experienced the disappointments of human misunderstandings or stubbornness. Fill us with your patient compassion even now, for a world and a humanity wounded by sin. We are thankful for how our disgust can make us aware of where You invite us to grow.” (Take a deep, slow breath before continuing.)

Now take a deep breath. We only have two more trees. Notice God is smiling as you spend time walking with Him, aware of these trees together.

The next tree God draws your attention to, is a tree marked Sadness. Where have you felt sad this past week? What has made you experience loneliness, despair, or even guilt? Ask God to make you aware of how these feelings have been present. (Pause as God guides, before continuing.) “Father, we know your heart is tender, as we confess the tenderness of our own hearts before You. We know you wept in Your sadness, and you invite us to come near to you even now, entering Your comforting embrace. Bring healing where our hearts hurt. Help us to always be honest with our sadness, even as You show us the hope of your eternal healing, where sorrowful tears will be no more.” (Take a deep, slow breath before continuing.)

Finally, we see the 6th tree of our short hike, one labeled Surprise. Where have you felt surprised this past week? What has made you experience confusion, amazement, or being startled? Ask God to make you aware of how these feelings have been present. (Pause as God guides, before continuing.) “Lord Jesus, we are thankful for the process of learning to trust You through the unknowns. Just as Your disciples, we follow You while only seeing what is necessary to take each new step forward. Make us humbly aware of how Your surprise reveals the whimsical joy of our loving creator this week. As we walk side by side with you, startle us with revelations of Your goodness and Love.” (Take a deep, slow breath before continuing.)

“And now, Father – Son – and Holy Spirit, as we open our eyes and the trees begin to fade – help us to continue seeing with Your heart-centered vision. Reveal to us how each new feeling invites us to know ourselves as You know us, and Love us. In the name of Jesus we pray. Amen.”

Posted in Different Scriptures, Different Thoughts

A Gathering of Thunder…

Posted on by Wick

(Warning: Spoiler Alerts from the movie “Thunderbolts”. Do not read unless you’re okay with that.)

Confession: I enjoy Marvel movies. I grew up with the X-Men, and superheroes in general were always fun to keep up with. I don’t know them nearly as well as those who are well-versed in the comics. But I’m familiar enough to enjoy keeping up with the new movies. I also believe imagination and the arts are an important part of our prayer and spiritual life, so I’m always encouraging our girls to pay attention to where Kingdom Truths are being revealed or expressed in culture.

With all of this in mind, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie “Thunderbolts*” recently. If you’re a Marvel purist, you may not enjoy this post. But if you’re open to it, I believe the movie illustrates beautifully some important Kingdom truths, especially as we experience them in our present cultural deficits.

  1. Emotional Health is real, and a real need even (and especially) for Christians. In her role as a pastor, my wife is leading a group through the book “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality“. It has been a blessing to share the journey with her and others. Toward the beginning, Yelena shares advice with Bob to “stuff it down deep” to his question of what to do with the “emptiness”. An emotionally healthy person can be aware and respond authentically with self-regulation even to unpleasant emotions. Pretending everything is fine and peace exists, when there are real challenges or biological alerts that something is not okay, denies a major part of who God has created us to be. As we see toward the end of the movie, this creates a “shadow self” which is not our real and authentic self. We become focused more on controlling and manipulating both ourself and others without recognizing the humanity of anyone. In fact, (as illustrated poignantly in the “Dark Sentry” moments) we “dehumanize” others, displacing their authentic self, consuming them for our purposes in ways that leave them as isolated as we were feeling in the first place. As we do this, the darkness we thought we had “dealt with” grows – no longer within us, but demanding space out in the reality we exist in. Such a dehumanizing darkness continues to cause isolation, both within us from our true selves, but also between us and others (especially the most “otherly” of others), and between us and God.
  2. Our Goals are Dis-ordered. We see a collection of “dis-ordered” goals, in Ox Corp’s attempt to create the most powerful “super-soldier”, called “The Sentry”. He would be male, obviously, and have no weaknesses or limitations. So many of these same goals can be found woven through our society, especially as seen in our pursuit and use of technological advances. Andy Crouch does a great job highlighting these pursuits in what he calls “the Magic”. The goal is to maximize productivity (profit/power/etc.) with minimal effort, and disregarding the human/environmental costs. We want to be as close to being “a god” as possible. We want to know everything, transcend every limit, and make anything we need or want accessible instantly (instant gratification). We want to be omnidesirable (I made up this word, but we want to be in a perpetual state of “camera ready” without vulnerable flaws or imperfections.), omniscient (have access to all knowledge in our pockets), and omnipresent (having internet capabilities connecting the globe wirelessly). We want to defend our ability to have and be these things so strongly, anyone who seems to stand in our way is no longer a person but an object – an obstacle to be removed in our pursuits. Jonathan Haidt has a bestselling book about how this cycle of anxious pursuit is unsustainable and dis-integrating. At several points in the movie, we hear a voice of reason questioning these goals being pursued without regard for the persons involved. Mel, who is Valentina’s assistant tries to point out the risks involved in offering limitless expectations to someone who is emotionally wounded, or at best very undeveloped. By offering all these divine-like promises of our culture to every child as young as they’re able to hold a screen/device – perhaps we’re doing the exact same thing?
  3. Healing comes in authentic relationship/community. Many books and podcasts are finally announcing what the research has been long showing us – to quote John Donne, “No man is an island.” I’ve loved the research being done by leaders like Dr. Curt Thompson, and the writing of Dr. Jim Wilder in areas of interpersonal neurobiology. There is so much healing available to us when we purposefully pursue vulnerability in committed community with a small group of others. We’ve “discovered” what God revealed in scripture long ago – we are made in the image of a Triune God who literally IS relationship (and invites us to exist within that relationship), revealed in Jesus Christ. We cannot exist in healthy or redemptive ways in our isolation, or in the false versions of community most of us settle for provided by social media. “Media” means “in the middle”, and so we’re reminded that a “mediated presence” through technology is not an embodied presence. It can be a helpful tool at times, but should never be seen as anything more than a supplement or liminal space to actual in-person relationships wherever possible. When God wanted to invite us back into restored relationship with Him, He was not content to send a message to us, or even appear in the clouds. He came in the flesh, walked among us, and invites us to “become His body” by the power of the Holy Spirit still today. This is what every local church seeks to be, as our specific/temporal expression of the Church across all time and space. This is our hopeful and redemptive path of response to all the “darkness/isolation” caused by turning away from God in the first place (see Genesis 3).

Just as Yelena was encouraged, we are those who “shine the light” in response to darkness (John 1:5). We do not attempt to do this on our own, but together with others. We live in this direction humbly, confessing our faults to each other, and being loved/restored each time – as we grow in the direction of more readily being those with strong attachments to our God who is Love. This will take grace, in every direction. This will take practicing forgiveness and reconciliation as an act of tangible love, even and especially where it doesn’t make sense according to the world. When this happens invitationally, even those who thought they were completely lost to darkness already can be integrated into the healing community sourced in the Holy Spirit sent by Jesus Christ. Not only integrated, but becoming part of His living and ongoing invitation to all others to come and be soaked in the healing realities of Father, Spirit, and Son. That sure sounds like a great commission…(pun intended).

Posted in Adoption Journey, Uncategorized

Adoption and Men…

Posted on by Wick

When entering the “world” of adoption conversations, especially when you connect to a blog/Facebook group/other online conversation, you’ll quickly notice the primary voices are women.  Certainly God uses “a mothers heart” in many cases, and speaks into a family through the bride.  In other times, it might be the “fathers heart” that He uses to tug toward adoption.  But even in cases where the couple is equally engaged/pulled toward reaching out to the orphan, most often it seems the mother is the one “out there” with the topic, connecting with others and having conversations about the process.  There are a few reasons that stand out as to why this may be happening:

1. Adoption involves a lot of emotion.  Like, gobbs.  The waiting, the picture updates, how far away this child is from you physically, etc.  And as we all know, emotions are for women.  (tongue in cheek)  Even as young boys, men are trained to have Jedi-like control over their emotions.  When someone is being “emotional”, we instantly feel they’re not being “manly”…whatever that might mean.  So even though a man may feel it, they’ll probably keep most of it to themselves.  There’s also a big chance, that even though they care deeply about what’s happening, they don’t have theimage words or the need to put into words all they’re feeling.   That’s because…

2. Men easily compartmentalize.  “The amygdala is a part of the brain that controls our emotional responses. In men, the amygdala communicates with just a few parts of the brain, like the visual cortex and part of the brain responsible for movement. (source: Lloyd) It’s like the amygdala is a power strip, and men have just one appliance plugged in. In comparison, a woman’s power strip is fueling many different appliances. In women, the amygdala is more connected to parts of the brain that control language, which may be why women talk about their feelings. It’s also linked to parts of the brain that control bodily functions like heart rate, blood pressure and digestion, which may be why women get a stomachache or other bodily response when they’re stressed or worried. In comparison, men seem to compartmentalize and show no outward display of emotion. But men still experience all the same emotions that women do, they just don’t cope with them in the same way.” (stolen from a science-ish website)

3. Adoption is much more emasculating than men realize when they “sign up” for it.  It’s sounds like the great plot for a manly story.  “Man helps his family reach out to the other side of the world, where a young child is in need of rescue, he helps bring them home and increases the size and heart of his own family (Christians add here “in the name of Jesus”).”  It’s totally a “knight in shining armor” type thing.  But then the journey actually begins.  He realizes he doesn’t have the finances to do it alone, and has to go around asking others to help.  He’s told by the agency “All of those natural fatherly desires you have to go and do whatever it takes to help your case move forward and bring your child home?  Let ’em go.  We represent you, and it’s in the best interest of everyone for you to let us do so.”  It’s probably true.  With the amount of extortion and corruption trying to seep into international adoptions, it’s really good to have people with experience and dedication to what’s best for the nation and children.

With these elements, and many more being thrown into the mix…our responses are important:

Wives – Understand the differences about how this adoption process impacts you and your husband.  Offer grace when he doesn’t seem geeked out about gushing his adoptive emotions over coffee.  Love him by asking specific questions, give him time to respond…and don’t expect a book.  Pray with him.  Help him connect whatever part of the process you’re in to his manly quest.  Sure, he may not be able to ride over there on a horse and scoop up your child – but he can certainly put on his shining armor and head out to the fingerprints office.  Be thankful that he can breathe slow and steady when you feel all out of sorts, and how God’s heart is reflected in such steadiness.

Husbands – Understand the differences about how this adoption process impacts you and your wife.  Offer grace when it seems she’s carrying a giant heavy burden…because she is.  When seemingly out of nowhere, she tells you how hard it is to endure all of this, and wonders if you even care.  This is your chance to be as manly as you were hoping you could be.  Not by rescuing your child just yet…but by scooping up your wife.  Reassure her.  Pray with her.  Use that focused amygdala to your advantage, and let her cry on your shoulder.  Dig deep into the compartment of adoption emotions and try to communicate what you’re feeling to her.  Be thankful for the depths of her emotions, and see how Gods’ heart is reflected in their mystery and force.