“Revival will not come through your children’s ministry….Revival will not come through your women’s ministry….Revival will come when we turn the hearts of men back to God.” (source purposefully not mentioned)
These were from the final moments of a recent message I listened to. Maybe you agree and are passionate about these words. Maybe you hear the imbalance in them, as I did. I was given this message by a dear friend, who was excited to share. I listened because I trust his heart. In the first few moments of the message, and several points throughout, I wanted to turn it off. Complaints about the “feminization of the church”. Complaints about poetic songs about “Drowning in an ocean of His Love”. Complaints about flowers and fonts/colors that are too soft and effeminate, accusing these things as the reason men are no longer drawn to local churches. My Bible sure seems to have some beautiful poetic images (the speaker himself even talks about us being the “poiema” of God), words about noticing the flowers, and descriptions of colors.
He then went on to make a list of 3 “Voids” that exist in men today, declaring as if prophetically that if churches addressed these specific needs for men we would see a new revival of God’s Spirit in our churches. I’m glad I kept listening to the message, because I believe he’s right. Although not in the way he might think. I hear his accusations of the ineffectiveness of silos in ministry like “Children’s” or “Women’s” (or “Youth Group” or “Young Adult” or “Singles”, et al). But I don’t believe addressing the silo of “Men’s” ministry will do anything beyond manufacturing the same sort of “boost” (even with amazing limited impacts) any of these ministries offer.
Yet there is still a powerful truth in the 3 “Void’s” he identifies. I believe these voids exist not just for men, however. I believe these are 3 powerful avenues of healing needed for all men, women, and children in our world today. The speaker was spot on when he focused on different generations connecting in deep, Jesus-honoring relationships. I believe if a church can connect younger men with older men, and younger women with older women, and nurture confessional communities where “Truth-telling”, forgiveness, and prayer are part of our DNA, the Holy work of the Spirit of God will breathe a revival deeply needed for the healing of the nations.
- First he mentioned an “Affirmation Void”. Specifically he talked about young men whose fathers never communicated their love for them. I don’t need to prove to you, this is not a male-centered experience of life. Plenty of young women would have loved to hear “I know and love you. I’m proud of you. I enjoy time with you.” Each generation of parenting has focused on different things. As parents, we feel the pressures of the world around us and we want to prepare our children for success. When we move away from a trusting relationship with God and our own Belovedness, our children become “products” we help create, or “proof” of why we should be valued/affirmed in a world we seek the approval of. Whether we’re strict and value their success, or we’re relaxed and value their freedoms to experiment, we can focus so intently on resourcing what they’re becoming that we forget to focus on loving who they’re becoming.
- So how do we respond? We purposefully become and nurture spaces/times where affirmation is practiced, strengthened, and experienced (Ephesians 4:29), especially across generations. We help all our generations become aware of their feelings, in order to examine our emotional responses. As I become more “attached” to the Love of God both directly, and indirectly through others, I have more freedom to love my children for who they are – separate from any of my identity coming from theirs. We foster moments where connections are happening between generations – inspiring older generations to continue dreaming and younger generations to have visions for who they can become. (Acts 2:17)
- Second he mentioned a “Community Void”. He talked about men feeling alone, like no one else knows them, or know one else experiences life like they do. It probably isn’t surprising to anyone to hear, with so much being said about our current “lonliness epidemic”, that there’s only a 1% difference between the experienced lonliness of men and women (Even with women being perceived as having the ability to share more deeply about their emotions.). Our world is just not conducive to building and sustaining intimate committed friendships across time. My wife is ridiculously gifted at this, and I’m so thankful for the ways she has set an example for me, and continues to invite me to consider my own friendships. Our world offers unlimited shallow connectivity with just enough dopamine and cycles of activity to make us feel like we’re generating authentic community. One of the lies of our world is that intimacy can only come through sexual relationships, which has become the source of so much disintegration in those seeking intimacy. But connection, even sexual, is not relationship – we know this by now, when we’re willing to be a Truth-telling community. We have huge amounts of activities (even as churches) that do not deepen our experiences of knowing, being known, loving and being loved. The speaker pointed at all the young men addicted to pornography and video games as proof. I believe him, but I don’t believe young women are doing any better just because they turn to different false sources of connection.
- So how do we respond? We purposefully become and nurture places where authentic intimate relationships can happen. We talk about, and give a shared vocabulary to our need for the healing intimacy that can only be found as we’re reconciled to God in Jesus by His Holy Spirit. We offer and encourage things like “Discipleship Bands” (John Wesley called these “Band Meetings” for banded discipleship) where Truth-telling, forgiveness, and prayer together help make our Beloved-ness something tangibly experienced. We offer co-ed “Small Groups” (John Wesley called them “Class Meetings“, you might call them “Transformation Groups”.) As this kind of relational intimacy becomes part of our DNA, we will not only experience healing for ourselves, but we become a source of healing for our communities. This is a shared biological need, the need for felt connection. So we can trust that a Jesus who desires healing (the root meaning of the word “salvation”) will always join us by His Spirit when we as the Church seek to invite others to this.
- The Third and final “Void” he mentions (though I’m sure there could be more) is what he called the “Agency/Authority Void”. By this he means, we have so many young men who feel stuck in cycles of sin, powerless to advance in their spiritual life. I write this as a man, but I’m pretty confident the modern approaches many of us grew up with, left many of us of both genders feeling this way. Many of us were told what sin was, and to avoid it. We were given unlimited content, apologetics, and even today have access to the most inspirational presenters from across the world. The assumption was, the more correct and encouraging information we can put in our brains, the more transformation will occur. Unfortunately we can end up drowning in content, feeling no more deeply attached to the Love of God in our soul’s deepest sense of self. Both current neurological research and ancient spiritual practices proclaim we are less influenced by what we think than what/who we love.
- So how do we respond? I believe the ways we addressed the first two “Voids” above will automatically contribute greatly to this third area. I also believe we must become places and nurture experiences of God’s perfecting Love alongside the Lordship of Jesus Christ. Our world often believes the loving approach to any particular is to reduce the expectations, boundaries, or limits. But with less integrity in our boundaries, it makes sense we would see increased dis-integration in our world. The good news of Jesus Christ is that we have received a Lord who became like us, served us to the point of it killing Him, and conquered even death itself in order to join and empower us. By His Holy Spirit, He shares that victory with us, reconciling us to relationship with God. We can deepen not just our knowledge, but our experience of that relationship in Spiritual Disciplines. From within that relationship in Jesus’ name, we share His authority over all the forces of darkness we do not understand. We are set free not only from impact of others’ sin, or the guilt of our own sin, but also freed from the power of continued cycles of sin. John Wesley called this “Entire Sanctification”, which the speaker also alluded to in his message. I believe if our local churches become communities who preach/live this message not as a judgmental indictment, but as a loving confession and invitation toward healing – we will humbly invite a revival the Holy Spirit has already begun and desires to accomplish in our midst.
May it continue to happen in my heart. May it happen through our Churches, and for the sake of our neighbors. May His Kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven. Amen.
words from wick 