Jesus – Page 62 – words from wick

Adoption and Men…

Posted on February 13, 2014February 12, 2014 by Wick

When entering the “world” of adoption conversations, especially when you connect to a blog/Facebook group/other online conversation, you’ll quickly notice the primary voices are women. Certainly God uses “a mothers heart” in many cases, and speaks into a family through the bride. In other times, it might be the “fathers heart” that He uses to tug toward adoption. But even in cases where the couple is equally engaged/pulled toward reaching out to the orphan, most often it seems the mother is the one “out there” with the topic, connecting with others and having conversations about the process. There are a few reasons that stand out as to why this may be happening:

1. Adoption involves a lot of emotion. Like, gobbs. The waiting, the picture updates, how far away this child is from you physically, etc. And as we all know, emotions are for women. (tongue in cheek) Even as young boys, men are trained to have Jedi-like control over their emotions. When someone is being “emotional”, we instantly feel they’re not being “manly”…whatever that might mean. So even though a man may feel it, they’ll probably keep most of it to themselves. There’s also a big chance, that even though they care deeply about what’s happening, they don’t have the words or the need to put into words all they’re feeling. That’s because…

2. Men easily compartmentalize. “The amygdala is a part of the brain that controls our emotional responses. In men, the amygdala communicates with just a few parts of the brain, like the visual cortex and part of the brain responsible for movement. (source: Lloyd) It’s like the amygdala is a power strip, and men have just one appliance plugged in. In comparison, a woman’s power strip is fueling many different appliances. In women, the amygdala is more connected to parts of the brain that control language, which may be why women talk about their feelings. It’s also linked to parts of the brain that control bodily functions like heart rate, blood pressure and digestion, which may be why women get a stomachache or other bodily response when they’re stressed or worried. In comparison, men seem to compartmentalize and show no outward display of emotion. But men still experience all the same emotions that women do, they just don’t cope with them in the same way.” (stolen from a science-ish website)

3. Adoption is much more emasculating than men realize when they “sign up” for it. It’s sounds like the great plot for a manly story. “Man helps his family reach out to the other side of the world, where a young child is in need of rescue, he helps bring them home and increases the size and heart of his own family (Christians add here “in the name of Jesus”).” It’s totally a “knight in shining armor” type thing. But then the journey actually begins. He realizes he doesn’t have the finances to do it alone, and has to go around asking others to help. He’s told by the agency “All of those natural fatherly desires you have to go and do whatever it takes to help your case move forward and bring your child home? Let ’em go. We represent you, and it’s in the best interest of everyone for you to let us do so.” It’s probably true. With the amount of extortion and corruption trying to seep into international adoptions, it’s really good to have people with experience and dedication to what’s best for the nation and children.

With these elements, and many more being thrown into the mix…our responses are important:

Wives – Understand the differences about how this adoption process impacts you and your husband. Offer grace when he doesn’t seem geeked out about gushing his adoptive emotions over coffee. Love him by asking specific questions, give him time to respond…and don’t expect a book. Pray with him. Help him connect whatever part of the process you’re in to his manly quest. Sure, he may not be able to ride over there on a horse and scoop up your child – but he can certainly put on his shining armor and head out to the fingerprints office. Be thankful that he can breathe slow and steady when you feel all out of sorts, and how God’s heart is reflected in such steadiness.

Husbands – Understand the differences about how this adoption process impacts you and your wife. Offer grace when it seems she’s carrying a giant heavy burden…because she is. When seemingly out of nowhere, she tells you how hard it is to endure all of this, and wonders if you even care. This is your chance to be as manly as you were hoping you could be. Not by rescuing your child just yet…but by scooping up your wife. Reassure her. Pray with her. Use that focused amygdala to your advantage, and let her cry on your shoulder. Dig deep into the compartment of adoption emotions and try to communicate what you’re feeling to her. Be thankful for the depths of her emotions, and see how Gods’ heart is reflected in their mystery and force.

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my brother, Phil.

Posted on December 19, 2013December 20, 2013 by Wick

There’s been quite a buzz lately on the words spoken by “Duck Dynasty” star, Phil Robertson. In a recent interview by GQ you can read here (warning, offensive content by both Phil AND the writer….I didn’t realize reporters used so many curse words….but anyway…), Robertson obviously said some things not realizing the stir they’d cause once published. Perhaps he didn’t even realize they would be published, as he spoke candidly in ways A&E won’t allow him to. This entire occasion has brought many things to the surface, if we’re willing to confess & repent (as Phil himself calls us to)…here’s just one:

1. Manifestations of Christianity aren’t always as loving as Jesus. When our focus is on “getting souls saved”, and Jesus becoming the magic pill that society needs to swallow to make everything better…..we end up saying and doing hurtful things. This is an adventure in missing the point. A reason this often happens is found in Robertsons interview, toward the end. He asks his GQ interviewer if he and his family are “Bible people”. This response is, “Not really, I’m sorry to say.”

Phil’s response is, “If you simply put your faith in Jesus coming down in flesh, through a human being, God becoming flesh living on the earth, dying on the cross for the sins of the world, being buried, and being raised from the dead—yours and mine and everybody else’s problems will be solved. And the next time we see you, we will say: ‘You are now a brother. Our brother.’ So then we look at you totally different then.”

What’s interesting here is how we interpret that final sentence. In scripture, we see the same thing in Jesus…when someone becomes a follower, it changes our relationship to them…but quite different than our approach today. You see, Jesus lavished huge amounts of love on people right away. Nothing was required to earn his affection, and nothing could purchase the grace He offered. The tax collectors. The prostitutes. The Roman soldiers. But when you became a follower…then He looked at you totally different. The teachers of the law. The disciples. You were expected to follow. Your life was to begin bearing the fruit of someone being transformed by the Love of God. Before you followed Jesus? Love. After you follow Jesus? Accountability to a life transformed by that Love.

But not so with Phil and much of Christianity today. It’s like we want people to give thumbs up to Jesus before we can “really” love them. But I guess this is where I, as Phil’s brother, should call him out. I doubt he’ll read this….but just in case:

Hey Phil,

I’ll start out by confessing, I’m not perfect. I’ve messed up a thousand times. Thankfully, there was never a reporter or television camera around. I’ve turned away from those choices, and toward all that God invites us to. I live as part of a community seeking Christ, and am kept accountable to my words and actions.

Recently, you’ve said some things that were hurtful to a lot of people that Jesus loves. I know you didn’t intend to hurt anyone. The truth is, we need to be careful when and how we speak on certain topics. There are confused and lonely people out there who you’ve just accused of being one step away from beastiality. There are people still wrestling with the impact of racism, whose long & transforming struggle you’ve just reduced. Accusing people for being everything that’s wrong with our society is not a good path for helping them feel how loved they are by God. Looking at years of racial segregation, slavery and hatred and saying “It wasn’t that bad.” is not a great path for showing God’s love to those who’ve endured suffering.

James 3:9-10 reminds us both, “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.”

From hearing your words, I know that you know…when we mess up, we repent. That means turning away from what was, and toward God. I pray that God can bring redemption to what has happened. Already it’s obvious, evil would love to see this transformed into something that injurs not only your witness, but the entire body of Christ. But in the midst of it all, as with anything in life – when offered to God, it can bring beautiful experiences of God’s Kingdom. I look forward to how all of this…can be offered to all things being made New.

Your brother,

Wick <><

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(just in case you missed the discussion on Facebook)

Sara: I think this is great. I think the biggest frustration in christianity is that we overlook people who are really actually hurt and struggling to forward our cause. that does WAY more harm that good to actual people, and to whatever cause we’re trying to forward!

Stori : Great letter! Thanks for sharing!

Randi : So good I love your blog

Steve : There aren’t going to be enough buses in the world for Christians to throw this Robertson guy under. They’ll probably crash notalllikethat.org like an Obamacare website.

Matt : This was fantastic! Thanks for writing this and sharing it! “Before you followed Jesus? Love. After you follow Jesus? Accountability to a life transformed by that Love.”

Molly : Thanks for not bring a jerk. Lots of people who also call themselves Christians can’t wait to be nasty and the blogs I’ve read make me just as sad as his interview. You’re approach is loving and not condemning. Like the world needs us to be.

Rod : So you are saying Jesus never called out sin? I think you are wrong here. Although I don’t agree with everything Phil said, he was pointing out sin, something Jesus did on occasion. When Jesus did see sin, he showed love. I think Phil tried to show love, but wasn’t allowed to (like I said I didn’t agree with some of the words he used). I am surprised how Christians continue to support Main Stream views and not support Christian views. I think Phil did the best he as a human could do. No where did he say he hated people. He just pointed out sin. Too bad more Christians don’t stand up for the bible (hopefully in a more loving way).

Oleta : I understand what you are saying but Phil began a dialogue that needed to be brought forth. What you said also needs to be said from a very public platform. Write to Mr Robertson ,and I think you will find a humble Christian who will take correction and do something about it publicly.

Matt : Phil’s statement released today after the fact should have been his first response. It was more clearly thought out and it was certainly more loving and Christ-like than what he originally said. Here’s his statement: “I myself am a product of the ’60s; I centered my life around sex, drugs and rock and roll until I hit rock bottom and accepted Jesus as my Savior. My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ and also what the bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together. However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other.”

Chadwick: Thanks Matt. I’d just seen that also. May God continue to transform Phil and each of us into New Creations as we Love in a way that brings/proclaims the Righteousness of God. Rod – I don’t think we disagree on much here. Oleta – glad God can use this to bring about a healing conversation…praying those happen more often than the opposite from it.

Tyler: Not gonna lie Chadwick, from your letter it feels like you didn’t even read the entire interview. I see nothing wrong with the way the interview went…other than the interviewers language. I agree with Phil and believe he did Christians proud in how he handled the interview. Christians need to stop tip toeing around the issues.

Michael: How as a pastor can you Biblically back not pointing out sin? The way the interview is reported has been totally twisted. That’s what’s wrong with the church today we are afraid to stand on biblical principles for fear of offending someone. Jesus offended the mainstream throughout his entire ministry by preaching the truth, his truth. Phil merely stated that homosexuality along with bestiality, promiscuity, drunkenness, swindling….. Are all sinful. The church needs people to stand and not sit back fearing political correction, we’re to further Gods kingdom and point people to Christ and that includes pointing out sin that is in very nature the opposite of Christ. Any attempt to downplay it is simply not biblical. Of course people are offended, sin engulfs and twists and this political correctness by the church is only an excuse to continue in sin.

Ward: I think Phil is a true believer, but not a theologian. He was sharing off the cuff & he is a straight shooter. I still think he has been treated poorly. If you are brave enough to speak the truth about the sin of homosexuality you will be censored. It will get much worse yet unless we stand up for the truth of the Word of God.

Rod: Chad – We do disagree here. I believe Christians should stand on the bible with love. Jesus pointed out sin but did so with love. I don’t agree with everything Phil said, but agree when he refereed to scriptures to point out the sin. It seems in your blog you disagree with Phil on this as you wrote….. But not so with Phil and much of Christianity today. It’s like we want people to give thumbs up to Jesus before we can “really” love them. But I guess this is where I, as Phil’s brother, should call him out. I doubt he’ll read this….but just in case:
The truth is, we need to be careful when and how we speak on certain topics. There are confused and lonely people out there who you’ve just accused of being one step away from beastiality.

Rod: Chad – Phil wasn’t asking anyone to give a thumbs up to Jesus, he just pointed out sin. He didn’t say he hated people so your comment regarding “love” is way off base. You can’t mix the 2 here, if so you are saying Jesus never pointed out sin in love.

Chadwick: Tyler & Michael & Ward- not worried if he “did Christians proud”…our concern is how Jesus would respond. His vulgar comparison of how desirable a vagina/anus are (reducing loving relationships to sexual acts…which offends me even as a man in a heterosexual marriage), how “logical” a decision heterosexuality is (implying anyone who chooses otherwise is obviously illogical), quickly connecting homosexuality to beastiality, claiming blacks were happy/content before civil rights, etc…did not take into account the individual lives and struggles of those he was talking about. I’ve read the entire interview, and realize he was speaking candidly – not as a religious leader. Conversations like this probably shouldn’t become summaries of all we do or think.

I agree with my brother Phil regarding the scriptures he quoted. Scriptures meant to convey God’s Love just as much as to bring that Love to life in our lives being transformed. Phil has clarified….he didn’t mean to show disrespect. He encourages us all to love God, and love each other. Let those be the words we remember from him in all of this.

Chadwick: Eek. Sorry all…this is probably why I didn’t want to step out into the madness. But I did. I think my main beef was…many Christians seem to be responding as if all Phil said was “I think homosexuality is a sin.” He said quite a bit more than that…on more topics. Rod – I agree….he never came out and said he hated anyone. So I suppose my letter to him is less an accusation of hate, and more a reminder to live more from the love Phil has already confirmed has always been there. A love each of us can do well to live from….even when pointing out in our brothers and sisters (and ourselves) where we’re allowing anything other than Christ and the ways of His Kingdom to reign in our lives.

Michael: There’s more to Christianity than love though brother, there’s right and wrong, biblical truth and sin, heaven and hell. I agree you love everyone but that love ultimately encompasses pointing out sin. Following Christ is love but out of this we we are to love as Christ did.Homosexuality like bestiality is a sexual sin on par with all sexual sin and sin in general, no greater or lesser. If you think that’s not the future of sexual sin your mistaken. History shows that sexual sin is rampant and in many forms as with all sin. Its the issue for this generation and being called to evangelical ministry needs to be addressed point blank. We all need Jesus and the church needs to support everyone in Christ, voicing belief is not bigotry its merely disagreement and the church is in a period of trial and truly needs revival. Jesus would’ve loved them agreed but he would have taught them as well and that’s where a Christians we need to stand pointing out all sin that separates from God.
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Whew. If you read all of that….I’m sorry. I’ve closed comments on this post, and stopped responding on my FB. Hopefully my voice is heard in the midst of it all. I meant to call a brother to more clearly reflect God’s love, even when calling out the sin in our world. Now I’m gonna go eat Christmas cookies.

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daddy worries.

Posted on December 11, 2013 by Wick

It was earlier this week, as we sat around the breakfast table, gathered around “Fruit Spins”, milk, and the advent wreath. Last week we’d talked about “Hope”, and it was easy to talk to the girls about what we each were hoping for. The poignant moment coming when it came to our 4 year old daughter, and she was hoping for “God”. I asked her to clarify….”What do you hope God will do?”

She smiled and said proudly, “Whatever God wants to do!” Here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the faith of a child. 🙂

So I was waiting this week, for what new nugget of wisdom my own kids were going to throw back at me as we moved into a week focusing on “Peace”. But “peace” is a bit more complicated than “hope”. So daddy decided to talk a little about why we need peace. I asked the girls what they’re afraid of, and what makes them worry. I received many of the expected responses: monsters (no, not really, daddy), being sick, scary dreams, and “sometimes when I walk down the stairs and it’s dark in the middle of the night, I think maybe there are some animals coming down behind me who want to eat me.”

Definitely scary, and worth worrying about. So we talked about peace, and then daddy decided to get down on their level, and talk about what makes daddy anxious/worried. That’s when it hit me like a sack of bricks. I covered it well, but I felt emotion in those moments that I don’t usually give word/time for. The honest truth is this:

I worry about my family. My wife. My kids. Every time I’m away from them, there’s that back of the mind “thing”. I can’t wait to hold them again. To be near them. To know that they’re alright. But even in the most peace-filled moments, I’m reminded by the world I’ve lived in so far – there’s no guarantee. Even when Super-Dad is with them, my children, my wife, and my home are never 100% protected to the point where I have no reason to worry. There’s always the chance of something unexpected happening.

I remember hearing the phrase growing up, “peace that passes understanding” (Philippians 4:7). I would smile the silly smile of a young teen who’s confident this verse means no matter what happens in life we’re supposed to smile…to prove we’ve got some sort of “inner peace” that doesn’t make sense to the world. But twice that age now, and having experienced quite a few situations where a smile is not the appropriate response – I’m thankful for the context to verse 7.

“Let your gentleness show in your treatment of all people. The Lord is near. Don’t be anxious about anything; rather, bring up all of your requests to God in your prayers and petitions, along with giving thanks. Then the peace OF GOD that exceeds all understanding will keep your hearts and minds safe IN CHRIST JESUS.” Philippians 4:5-7 (emphasis added)

It’s not about me coming up with the ability to have peace in the midst of life circumstances. It’s not about me never having a concern. It’s centered on approaching every concern I have in the context of God, who can handle the big picture. In the context of Christ being more than capable of keeping our hearts and minds safe. I’m not to have peace because I have peace. I’m to have peace because God has peace.

Not in a way that denies horrible things happen. Because they certainly have, and do, and will. Nor do we deny these horrible things will shake us to our core sometimes. We will experience pain, and offense, and brokenness. But the promise of peace still comes to us, in the presence of Jesus Christ. The child born in a manger, in whom God proclaims to all of creation, us included, “I am with you.”

And in that….we receive God’s peace which transcends our understanding/abilities.

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