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smile (a reminder to pray)

She looked up at me with a smile on her face.  I had a split second to convey soooo many messages.  “You are loved!  More than you know, and more than you  might be shown.  Your value is infinite, and there is a hope for your future beyond pretty dresses.  You’re not defined by your present situation, nor by the decisions of your parents.  You’re a child of God, creator of all things.  He has spoken a big fat “YES!” over whatever “no” your life situation might be whispering.  You have amazing capacities for good, for love, for becoming an incredible woman and changing the world.  There are arms that want to hold you, that will never let you go…and He is always with you.  Jesus loves you…”

But as her mom spewed obscenities into the video phone, having a conversation with the girls father who was in jail for what sounded like really good reasons…all I could do was bundle all of those thoughts into a smile.  A prayer, as I continued to wait for the person I was visiting to appear on my screen.videovisitation

I do this every week.

When I began, I felt like I was being stretched.  I was excited, after all there are so many places in scripture that tell us as Christ-followers to love and visit those who are in prison.  I was nervous, to begin visiting 2 who I’d never met.  They’ve received me well, and God has been in our conversations.  I hadn’t previously thought much about my purpose in that environment as a living prayer.  Nevertheless, it’s what those times become.

There’s always a line.  I pray for the loved ones buying phone cards, sitting and waiting for updates, verbally spouting all sorts of obscenities about their situation.  They’re so frustrated.  They’re confused.   They’re upset.  Usually it comes out in the direction of the woman who works the window.  There are 4 of these women, only one works at a time.  They have the patience of someone who knows the anger they receive is not really for them.   I pray for their strengthening.

The elevator door opens, and the next single parent walks in, holding a girl who shouldn’t be in places like this.  She gets yanked along by a mom who’s way too upset to think about much else.  But she’s obviously shown great care in getting this girl all ready for daddy to see her.  Braids tightly done, each decorated with it’s own colorful barret.  I smile at her, trying to offer her the facial expression that communicates, “It’s okay.  Life is so much bigger than this moment.”

I hear and see glimpses about each case.  I sit in my booth, waiting for the screen to turn on, and quietly pray for those in booths around me.  I hear a few positive words, it sounds like he compliments babygirls’ hair.  Then the conversation quickly changes to more weighty topics, and she’s left wondering what is being said over that phone.  I pray for her, by name if I’ve heard it.  So many broken lives.  So many children, not quite understanding why they can’t be held by daddy.

There are so many experiencing brokenness of a world impacted by sin.  These were sounds and images I was disconnected from a few years ago.  I believe one of the many reasons I’m there, is to speak about it.  To remind those of us who will hopefully never find ourselves in the waiting room of a county jail – pray.  Pray for the families in our city that shattered late last night.  Pray for the restoration and healing of the man who was released this morning.  Pray for the children who need to know they’re loved…

And when given the chance….smile at them. 🙂

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difficult good news.

It’s hard to believe that what is actually “good news”, can cause so much confusion and hurt.  Yesterday we received an update from our agency about the girl we were on our way to adopting.  The girl who’s mother they were told had passed away.  The girl who’s father even signed relinquishment papers declaring he could not care for her, and is letting go of that burden.  The girl we thought was going to become our daughter.

Her parents came to pick her up.

Just like that.  As if it was some long summer camp, or extended babysitter and now that season was over.  It’s a confusing place to be, because honestly we don’t know who to be upset with.  The parents obviously thought the orphanage was the only option for the survival of their child temporarily, and did what they had to do, in order to survive.  The orphanage responded based on the information they were given.  Our agency was acting in what they believed to be the best interest of a child they were told was an orphan, and a family who wanted to care for her.

And so, Francoise will continue to be named Francoise.  She’s with her parents now, as we would want her to be.  We’re so thankful for the rescue that has come to her life.  At the same time, we grieve.  We mourn the brokenness of a world where confusing situations like this can happen.  We are angry at the systems of oppression and corruption that have led to these moments.  We are exactly where we were before…waiting on God, and praying for Him to bring healing and redemption to the people of the DRC.

It’s hard to let go.  To find the pictures we had printed, the ones we’ve been looking at every night before bed.  The background image on my phone.  The picture we may have given or sent to you.  To tell our children, with smiles on our faces, that Francoise’s mommy and daddy were able to come bring her home, trying really hard to say it as good news.  Yet still offering to hold them – knowing somewhere in them is a sort of “letting go” as well.

If this all raises questions for you, welcome to where we are.  There’s a lot we don’t know, and much of it we won’t ever know.  We’ve shared what we can at this point.

It’s at this point where I would usually turn the corner, and offer a hope for what comes next.  A few words that clean up the mess I’ve talked about, and package it inspirationally.  I don’t have that this time.  I pray for Francoise and her parents as they begin a new life together.  I pray for the renewed search for a young girl who needs a family, and for our journey to raise what’s still needed to bring her home.  I pray for encouragement from God.  Please join us in praying.  Thanks.

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hard sell?

I’m a pretty good salesman.  I’m also a horrible salesman.  It depends on what you’re measuring, I suppose.  When we first followed God’s call & relocated closer to family, I took a couple different sales jobs.  I volunteered at a small church in town, and learned what it was like working 9-5 (or 8-6, as it often was).  A few months was spent in Radio Advertising, and almost a year was with Pitney Bowes, selling “postage meters/folding machines/etc”.  I was pretty good at connecting relationally with my customers.  I even closed deals.  I could talk excitedly about what I had to offer them, and honestly believed I could help them out.  But when they asked me for the best deal – I’d usually give it to them.  So even though I made sales, I wasn’t the profit-generating machine that was celebrated in the sales realm.

Because of working on the world of advertising/ROI and the like, my radar picks up on sales-pitchy things much more than legosit used to.  I shrink back quickly from anything that smells like being a “salesman for Jesus/Heaven/Youth Group/Church”.  Unfortunately, that’s a large percentage of what’s out there for people seeking Christ to consume.  Bible studies, self-help books, and small group curriculum all geared toward convincing/reminding humanity that to come to Christ is to come to the end to all of your problems.  To arrive at the doors of the church is to arrive at an oasis of plenty.  To believe in Jesus Christ is to have all your prayers answered, every day is a holiday, and every meal’s a feast.

In a broken world, that sounds awesome.  We’re in debt, and even credit is running out fast.  We realize that something better than what we’re experiencing must be out there.  So when the man with the Bible, the nice smile and smooth words tells us that coming to church (and perhaps buying his book) will help fill the void we’ve got, and open doors of potential we previously thought were closed….we’re quick to follow.  The problem comes after some time of believing.  Time of offering our devout faith to a God/Genie, and becoming frustrated when nothing we ask for happens.

You might be nodding while reading this, agreeing that yes – we need to be honest about our expectations.  We need to remember that a call to follow Christ, is a call to the cross.  That we’re not promised what we want will work out the way we plan, by simply “trusting really really hard”.  But at the same time, I want my children to know the Hope we have in Christ.  I want them to experience putting their faith in Him, and having a life transformed.  I suppose it all depends on what we emphasize:

1 – We could emphasize the wrong things to our 5 year old.  Tell her that God wants everything to go perfect for her, and if she invites Jesus into her heart, it will enable all her dreams to come true (Jeremiah 29:11, right?).  Or, we could take the threatening route and tell her that someday she’ll either spend forever in flames or in golden streets and whipped cream.  If she asks Jesus into her heart, she won’t have to burn.  Sure, these spiritual things are bigger/different, but it’s important to speak in a language they simply understand, right?

2 – We could be honest with our 5 year old from the very start.  Tell her that people have made some really bad choices, that make this world a hard place to live sometimes.  But tell her how God has moved in our family already, and how He’s calling & enabling us to be different.  That we can choose to love/forgive, even when it’s hard.  We can be humble, and look for ways to serve others & love our neighbors globally.  We can pray, and know that spending time in God’s presence changes us.  We ask him to fill us with His love, so that in the simple ways we live, God is changing the world.

Sometimes that will lead us down paths where people know our name and smile or applaud.  Other times it may lead us down paths where people know our name and angrily yell.   Still many more times it may mean know one knows our name, but God is with us.

We are never alone, and that seems to be a pretty big point to a savior who was called

“Immanuel – which means ‘God with us’. “

But in a culture where more and more churches and youth ministries are selling the fun/loud/exciting/blessing/health/prosperity/nice teeth/etc…it may become increasingly difficult to be heard.  Still…this is what we speak.