Posted in Adoption Journey, Spoken Word, Uncategorized

a psalm for heavy hearts.

There is a stifling silence in carrying a burden, a weight so uncertain and hurting,
In search of a balm, we check the Psalms, and we learn that in turn,
these struggles that rock our home
Can become our megaphone.

Because it’s hard, and we’re not alone.
Our scars run deep, and to the bone. It seems like evil is on the throne,
runs the show, and even though we know there’s something greater,
it always seems like later – never now.
Never knowing how we’ll make it to tomorrow, but the sun comes up again.
And I guess that means we’re doing well, even though sometimes it just feels like we’re surviving.
For some, that’s the extent of thriving.

When driving rain comes faster than the wipers can clear a path.
The aftermath, sometimes silent, can come in violent waves unexpected
Of hope rejected, knowing sometimes there’s more dark before the dawn.
And if this was a song, it’d go on for sometime, before the key would change.
If an honest poem, more turning of the page, before the stage were reset,

The dim lights begin to raise, because there are better days ahead,
the field is not dead,
In fact, there is wheat growing among the weeds, some seeds of hope that cannot be rejected.
Knowing what’s expected, is not etched in stone, evil is not on the throne,

no matter how much sway it may seem to hold. Our whispers grow bold,
as we gather our broken bones, and cry out to the throne –
Lord Come. We need you.
Our arms are growing weary, and we need you.
Our eyes have grown bleary from the tears, over years and Lord we need you.
The blisters on our road-scarred feet scream for us to retreat, and we need you.
Our children look to us for answers we cannot provide,
and so with arms stretched wide we confide –Lord – we need you.

There is no other ear that even comes near to hearing our stifled voices,
choices all around us for ways to avoid this feeling of burden
A burden so certain and so heavy we want to find relief,
yet so infused to our hearts that we cannot put it down.

Not ever.

Clever words fail, and so we wet sail on uncharted waters
Praying the one who walks on water, the one who saves,
will be with us to calm the waves.

Lord, we need you.

Posted in Uncategorized

asking for saints.

“Daddy, “dead” means “died”.”  My 4 year old was talking to me from the back seat of our mini-van.  She’d just internalized a basic truth about the end of life, and was repeating it back to me.  She said it confidently, but still with a slight question mark waiting for me to confirm what she’d said.  So why was our 4 year old talking to me about such a weighty topic?

The girls had helped me get the candles out for youth group this past week.  They asked me what it was all for, and I told them I’d explain after evening services.  So as we gathered in the minivan after church and kids programming, I explained.

“Tonight I invited the teenagers to come and light a candle.  They would each light a candle for someone they wanted to remember, who had died and gone to be with Jesus.  We talked about the people we loved, who were not with us anymore because they were with God now.”

It’s true.  For our monthly scheduled “prayer experiment” this month, I offered our teens almost an entire night where we gathered chairs in a circle, and just remembered together.  Some chose to remain quiet, but obviously reflecting on someone meaningful.  Others may have been bored off their rockers, but at least they were respectful of the moment.  But several chose to step out and light a candle, and share with us a memory of someone who’d made an impact on their life.  I’d been nervous and not known what to expect…but felt God was smiling on the idea.  (probably even gave it)  We thanked God for these people, and closed in prayer that someday, someone might remember us as having made an impact on their life for God.

The good news is…I was way ahead of schedule.  We’ve got an “All Hallows Eve” party next week with pumpkin carving and what-not.   So you’ve still got plenty of time to ask the people/youth group/children in your life:  “Who is someone you’d like to remember, who’s gone to be with God?”

For my kids….it was Grandpa Nicol.  They knew his smiles, his laugh, and how much he loved baseball.  Then, they went through a short list of relatives they haven’t seen in a while….and I confirmed they weren’t dead yet. 🙂  Here are a few words that might make you thankful for someone…