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a reminder.

I could list reasons.  I could research, and post links to articles about the impact of nature on the human brain.  The dangers of living at the pace our world runs.  The need to reduce “screen time”.  The need to retreat from the noises of city.  The need to be reminded of natural beauty, over the manufactured beauty we’re sold daily.  Instead, I just want to whet your appetite, and remind you that your family needs some of this.  Ours did too.  This all took place in less than 24 hours, for less than 50 bucks.  Worth it.

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screen time.

“when you have 1-year-olds playing Angry Birds and toddlers trying to swipe the TV screen because they think it’s an iPad … it’s a changing nature of childhood.” – Jim Steyer

An interesting study recently came out from “Common Sense Media”, on Childrens’ Media Use in American 2013.  There are some interesting findings throughout the study, although something very important to note is that the entire study is based on the parents’ response alone.  Imagine yourself as a young parent, who’s had a particularly rough week and may have stuck your kids in front of a tv screen way more than you intended; getting a survey from “Common Sense Media” asking you questions about your parenting techniques.  Of course you won’t confess to babysitting your kids with a television/iDevice.  In fact, the statistics will probably come out looking like this:timespentwithmedia

Now maybe it’s true that the average family can watch an entire DVD in 22 minutes, or that on average, families maximize a movie’s value/experience by dragging it out over several days.  But it seems like the information in this chart might be presented in a better way somehow.  It’s also possible that I’m just not very good at understanding charts of information.  But this next one is pretty easy to grasp.

What are the statistics of children aged 0-8 who have a television in their bedroom?  I figured the response here would be pretty low.  After all, most parents of kids aged 0-8 are my age, and had parents themselves who understood just how bad TV was for your eyesight alone, nevermind it’s ability to hypnotize you.  The results were surprising:tvinbedroom

The main reason?  “Frees up other TV’s so family members can watch their own shows.”

Wow.  I can understand the desire.  Some nights we enjoy a show that we don’t turn on until after the kids are in bed.  Even the popular “Once Upon a Time”, filled with princesses and knights….is quite a bit more than we want them viewing at this point.  Definitely, there are some nights where after bedtime prayer/story, we’re just too worn out to enjoy a show.  It’d be easier to start our show at 6pm, and let the kids enjoy their own show in their room.  But we feel like there are enough things/activities in our life already that make it hard to stay connected.  We don’t need to add something else.

The problem seems like it might be the denial that making choices like this even has any impact on the time a family spends together:

impactofmediaonfamilytime  Wait a minute.  A huge percentage of children under age 8 have televisions in their bedroom, and a large reason for it is so that the adults can watch their own shows….but 70% of parents think media either has no impact, or helps their family spend time together??

We didn’t even spend time above talking about tablets, iPods, smart phones, etc…even though these are all included in this charts view of “media”.

In the midst of all of this, God is calling followers of Christ to continue being people who know how to Sabbath.  To continue being people who understand the difference between creative entertainment, and idols.  To bear the fruit of the Spirit that includes “self-control”, for the sake of our families, and for the sake of bearing the image of God in a world that forgets His Face.  So what does that need to look like in your home?  Is this an “aha” moment where God leads you to new decisions?  Is this a “well done” to your home that handles the pressures of media well?

So what are some “policies” or “Family Rules” that you have in your home that help guide toward a healthy approach and relationship with each other and with media?

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say the (specific) words.

“The word ‘Love’, well it was once overused.  Back in the 70’s the word was abused. But I refuse to let love be diluted.  We can’t allow physical lust to intrude it.  Or pollute it cause their ain’t no excuse for the greatest gift of all to be abused.  So choose to lost the pride that may tug at you, don’t be afraid of the words ‘I love you’.”
– “Say the Words” by DC TALK

And so my teenage philosophy of being okay with the words “I love you” was formed.  Unfortunately, as with many young boys, I found it particularly effective in getting the attention of the opposite gender.  So many young people are afraid of “committing” to such a phrase, that for me to use it was effective in the few girls I was able to get the attention of growing up.  Until I met a woman who finally began to not be content with my version of love, but to teach me more about it.

As my wife and I dated, we’d have those sappy moments that young couples have.   We’d look deep into each others’ eyes over an well plated and overpriced en-tree (more realistically, over a plate of Strawberry Shortcake at Steak & Shake). Sometimes I wouldn’t know what to say that communicated my emotions well.  So I’d often opt for the old reliable…”I love you.”

This worked like magic the first few times, sure.  But then she did it.  She thwarted my plan for lifelong relational bliss forever.  She poked holes in my kite, and offered me a sailboat instead.  She did it all with a simple one-word question:

“Why?”sisters

She wasn’t asking a self-deprecating question about how I could possibly have feelings for her.   She knew I loved her.  She knew I cared for her.  But she wanted our relationship to plunge beneath the surface of Hallmark cards and Disney movies.  What was it about her that, in that moment particularly, compelled me to voice my emotions?

Fast forward 14 years, to me wanting to love and bless my children, and  I’m so grateful for a wife who took the time and difficult conversations to teach me about love.   To teach me how to be a better father.  As I held my daughter this past Sunday afternoon, I began simply by hugging her close and saying, “I love you, Ruby.”  But the question of “Why?” was still echoing through the halls of my heart.  So I began a list… “I love when you hug me.  I love when you share your smiles.  I love when you pray for Phoebe.  I love when you do silly dances.  I love how big your heart is.  I love when you do somersaults.  I love to hear you make up songs……”

I wasn’t even done listing why I loved her, when my 4 year old began to snore on my chest.  She was still lightly rubbing my face with her hand.  I pulled the blanket over her shoulders, and took a deep satisfied breath.  This parenting thing is pretty spectacular.

Maybe it’s your spouse.  Maybe it’s your child.  Whoever it might be, there’s a big chance that someone you love could realllllly use a reminder of “Why” you love them.  Not because they question it, but because they long for a Love that dives deep into meaningful emotions in a world that confuses the definition of love on a regular basis.   Who will you love today?