TMNT 2014 (spoiler alert)

It’s not often I have a half hour of time to kill directly after watching a movie, so today you get the benefit/torture of receiving my thoughts fresh from the experience.  So here we go….TMNT 2014.

I’ll begin with this: I really enjoyed this movie.  That’s a given.  Heck, I enjoyed TMNT III.  You know, the one where they time travel and become Samurai? So there.  You know I’m gonna love it.  It had all the requirements: 4 teenaged mutant ninja turtles, 1 wise ninja rat father-figure, and 1 evil Shredder.  Add some humor, some pizza being sliced mid-air, some dialogue giving shout-outs to previous movies, some tender brotherly moments, and a news anchor with red hair in a yellow jumpsuit…..oh wait. Megan Fox.  Eh…okay.

I do have several beefs.  This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it’s what surfaces easily:

1. Superhuman Strength? This is stated early in the movie, and seen as Raphael throws shipping containers like empty cardboard boxes.  I don’t understand why they couldn’t just be amazing ninjas.  Until we see #2

2. Shredder is a Transformer.  Ohhhh, that makes sense.  That’s right…Michael Bay (made the Transformers movies) had to get his awesomely creative, overly busy action scenes with lots of moving metal parts and blades.  He couldn’t be content with simply an amazing ninja who had to hide his face with a mask.  Which leads to #3

3. Shredder’s scarred face is shown, highlighted almost as a major plot point…but never explained or connected to the story.  We all know the scar originally came from Splinter back when they’d met previously when Shredder killed his master…but wait….#4

4. Splinter never had a ninja master who taught him everything he knows.  Nope. He totally found a “Ninja for Dummies” book floating in the sewer, and not only became an expert ninja warrior himself…but trained his turtle sons as well.  He also looks like a wise old Japanese rat…but his voice is everyone’s favorite OCD detective, “Monk”.  Huh?

Plenty of other points and sub-points that were way off.  But still….loved the movie.  Laughed several times.  Wanted to high-five the guys (we’re tight enough to call each other “the guys”), and wanted to yell “woo” for April O’Neil.  Wanted to…but didn’t.  Not only was I on a date with my amazing wife, but by using Megan Fox as the innocently attractive goofy reporter who happens to look great in a bulky jumpsuit….well….just didn’t seem so innocent.  And there was no jumpsuit.  Also…wait a minute….SHE saved the day and defeated Shredder?  Well…kiiiinda.

Close the movie out with a lead-in to a sequel, and cue the new version of a T-U-R-T-L-E-POWER hip-hop classic (everyone forgot about that one, and has been comparing it to “Go Ninja Go Ninja Go!”.  I actually liked “Shell Shocked“.  But all the things I’ve mentioned above are like the slices of a pizza that end up not looking perfect.  Taken as a whole pie, I enjoyed the movie and even look forward to the movie’s sequel if they end up making one.  Except wait…there’s no need for “Super Shredder” to return transformed by the oooze, because he’s already got a super-humanly strong transformer robot suit.  Perhaps that will become fused to his body and even larger in the next edition…