Posted in Different Moments

morning without her.

I awoke as the natural alarm clock within me suggested, without offering a chance to press the snooze button. It was 5:15am, and the mental post-it note from the night before reminded me I’d not yet taken the garbage to the fence. I was still unsure what time the morning men came and gathered refuse, but I did not want to find out after it was too late. I quickly came to find myself with shorts and flip flops on, crossing the dewy grass toting a giant wheeled garbage can over a yard in need of mowing. Wiping my feet on the kitchen carpet, I patted myself on the back for a responsible use of morning, and paused to decide my next course of action.

Should I wake her?

I decided to make some coffee, and she continued to slumber. In our old house, the kids would have heard dad walking just outside their door, but here I had the privilege of tip-toeing around the first floor while they completed their sleep cycles in peace. A few roads waited passively ahead of me: I could enjoy a bit of uninterrupted reading, wake her up, or begin to prepare for the day; among other things. I chose to wait until just enough coffee was in the pot, to pour myself a tall hot mug of focus (You have to love a coffeemaker that will continue to brew patiently until you return the pot.) and find my book.

I was reminded briefly of important things I needed to get with her about today. But they could wait.

I’d been reading a book on hiking the Appalachian Trail. This morning contained incredible views of nature, combined with interesting stories of locations off the beaten-path, but well worth a brochure – if not a movie. Then it happened – I heard the patter of feet above me. I listened as they quietly traveled the distance of the 2nd floor, down the stairs, and out into my area of the house. Thumb still in her mouth, our 2nd born smiled and mumbled an excited whisper, “daddy!” as she climbed into my lap.

I was thankful I’d chosen not to wake her still. Mornings with my daughters are much better without her. We cuddled, and Sophie willingly recorded a new ring-tone for daddy, before her sister joined us in the moment. It wasn’t long before they returned upstairs to find something interesting from the previous night. Again, I chose not to wake her. Not just yet.

I went upstairs after them to see what was going on, and lovingly shared a few moments where they enjoyed a bed-making lesson from an OCD father. Proudly, I allowed my toddlers to make their own beds, without commenting on crooked sheets or untucked corners. There will be time for that someday.

Oh, the things I would’ve missed if I’d woken her earlier. Sure, there were enough compelling reasons to wake her. Important things. Unimportant things. We hadn’t seen much of each other the day before, and no doubt she had plenty of updates for me.

But as my three girls and I climbed back into our giant, queen sized bed with mommy to talk about the day ahead, and laugh a bit together….I was thankful I’d not turned on the computer yet that morning.

Of course, I had to use her eventually….or I wouldn’t have been able to tell the story of my morning without her. 🙂

Posted in Different Scriptures, Different Thoughts

fathers day.

I’m a father.  3 Daughters, and pursuing our 4th.  Father’s Day is always a day of rich thankfulness for me.  Without going into a huge amount of background, I was raised a large chunk of my “growing up/early teen” years without a dad around.  Mom did a crazy good job raising 5 kids, and figuring out how things would work…but these years still left me feeling a bit like I’d “missed out” on something important.

Even in college & as a young adult, when approaching some things, the thought would come to mind: “People who had a father growing up are probably more prepared for this than me.”  As if I was something incomplete, because of what I’d experienced.

So when we moved toward starting a family of our own, there was the fear that becoming a father would somehow “reveal” what I’d been lacking.  When I actually took time to think and pray about this, I knew it was a silly thought.  Nevertheless, it was a quiet humming in the background of my life’s musical score.

In 2 Corinthians 12:9, Paul writes “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

This verse has definitely rang true in my life.  Am I different because of going through many years without a dad at home?  Yes.  But do those differences do anything to weaken/make less of what God is accomplishing through me?  Not at all.  If anything, as the verse above declares, God’s power is all the more evident in these areas.

I’ve always known this verse, and even declared it to be true.  It has definitely been a blessing in ministry, to be able to look at teenagers going through rough times and say “I know what you’re going through, and I can speak Hope into your life.”  It wasn’t hard to embrace these areas of my weakness as being useful for ministry.

But what I’m learning is that it’s not simply that God wants to use these for my moments of “professional ministry”.  God wants His power to be manifested in my home as well.  The areas that I don’t know, where I’m humbled, and where I’m lacking….allow me to turn and point to Jesus Christ.  For my own sake, and for the sake of my family.

It’s counter-intuitive these days.  But it remains, as cheesy as it sounds.

I’m not an amazing father when I provide for my family financially, buy great gifts, and take them to Disney World (whew).  I’m not a great father when I fix the car engine (thankfully), clean our gutters, or patch a hole in the wall.  I’m a Father when I’m pointing my family to Jesus as their source of strength and wisdom.  And for that…I am more than well-equipped for the task.  🙂

And thankful…

Posted in Adoption Journey

Adoption Update: Praying for the DRC

We’re still in the midst of our home-study, acquiring all the necessary documents, paperwork, and medical records to show how incredibly healthy we are. Sarah and I both went in for the first part of our TB tests Wednesday, and the kids loved seeing mommy and daddy get shots.  We’re slowly chipping away at the required over 10 hours of training for an international adoption.

As I posted in an earlier update, Sarah and I want to learn more about the country and area our daughter will be coming from. Along those lines, I picked up a couple books that I’ve begun to read, Dancing in the Glory of Monsters, and Consuming the Congo. I’m still only just beginning Dancing in the Glory of Monsters, but it’s already taught me a lot about the incredible needs in that area. Needs that go far beyond not having enough food, water, medicine, or shelter.

Remember that country known as “Zaire” we learned about back in high school? Apparently it ceased to exist around 1997 when it’s leader Joseph-Desire Mobutu was removed from power.  That is the area now known as the Democratic Republic of Congo (not to be confused with the much smaller Republic of the Congo just west of the DRC). Because of political and economic instability, as well as unrest in many surrounding countries, the DRC has continually been taken advantage of in many ways. Nations and companies with self-motivated interests have been basically taking whatever they wanted from the area, and oppressing the people of the DRC for decades. The land has been carelessly mined for resources, and fighting has killed millions of people in the past 10 years alone. Much of the technology we use today, iDevices, laptops, cell phones, etc…have components made from raw materials gained from the DRC.

So why haven’t we heard much outcry?

Because most of the time there’s an easily-identifiable enemy to point a finger at. Genocide caused by one group, against one group or a tyrant like Zaire’s leader Joseph-Desire Mobutu.  But in this case, there are many smaller groups, often with very vague categories of “who’s in”, and “who’s out”. During Mobutu’s reign, rebels from surrounding countries were invited and given refuge in Zaire, and many of those continue to impact what is now the DRC. There has been an unstable political environment, where financial power or brute force determines what will happen. Even now, there are echoes of the past as the country attempts to move forward with a more stable government.  National elections were held late last year, and provincial/local elections should be happening now/soon.

As we move forward in our journey to bring home our daughter from the DRC, our burden to pray for Peace and Justice to come in that area also increases. One of the most densely populated areas, and also one of the poorest areas of the world. These are our brothers and sisters, living in conditions that break the heart of God…and will move our hearts as well.

So I suppose the main point in this update is…inviting you to do more than pray for our adoption. Pray for the people of the DRC, and other areas in the world where your family is living in conditions no one should ever have to deal with. Pray for God’s Kingdom to burst through in new ways, and for His Spirit to bring peace and comfort to those who are suffering…

 

Update: An interesting website tracking the UN’s work in the DRC. Also, a brutally honest video about how rape is impacting the women of the DRC.  We continue to pray…