Author: Wick

One of our speakers was Carey Casey, from the National Center for Fathering.  Seemed like a very nice/fun guy, with an impressive arsenal with which to name drop.  One of the “real life” members of the “Remember the Titans” final game.  He’s met with President Obama, and several other famous people I didn’t write down.

He talked about an obvious dilemma for any of us who want to engage an entire family that attends our church.  Many times, the father takes a “back seat” to the spiritual development of the children, and often parenting altogether.  In recent days, I’m hearing more and more of these statistics, as I’ve attended the local “Men’s Fraternity“, and will be heading on a “Wild At Heart” weekend later in October.  I’ve not had a huge interest in these types of things before.  I was raised much of my life by just my mom, and don’t really enjoy hunting, playing sports, or working on cars as perhaps I should.  I usually end up cringing at statements like “Real Men enjoy/are wired to ________”…usually because it puts me out of the group.  But as much as I poke fun at some of the overly macho enthusiasm, and apparent need to associate every analogy with sports, hunting, or some other obviously masculine endeavor…I recognize there is truth in some of what they’re saying….men need to be called on differently than women.  We need to be reminded that it’s not about money, strength, “success” as defined by the world, and it’s not something that happens automatically.  Being a father, a husband, and a man God is using….takes effort, practice, Love, humility, etc., and dependence on/seeking God.  Ministries like this ARE reaching men across the country…and God can use that.

So, once we’ve gotten their attention, how do we engage fathers (myself included) in the spiritual development of their families and children?

By reminding them, there is a purpose to being where they are.  By ministering to their marriages as a top priority.  By helping dads to pursue unconditional love.  Teaching/guiding fathers to “coach” their children.  He used the illustration of asking a father, “Suppose you were asked to be assistant coach for your child’s team?  Think of the energy and enthusiasm you would put into preparing your child, and how they interact with the team as a whole…etc.  Now…how much energy/enthusiasm do you put into your child’s eternity (which has already begun)?”

Good point.

To model the life we want to guide other men toward, in Christ.  To encourage a fatherless child ourselves…he reminded us of the words in James 1:27…the call to look after orphans and widows, for this is religion God accepts as pure and faultless.  He reminded us to enlist other dads in all of this as well…referring to the well-known proverb about iron sharpening iron.

I look forward to connecting with other young fathers in the next years specifically…..on purpose…and without having to grunt or shoot an animal to do it.  But if they wanna shoot something near me….that’s cool.  I’ll bring a book.

Cannon and Rush came out to do a tandem interview on the topic of “Yeah, but…”, offering practical ways the “D6” concept was happening in actual churches.  Because of the back and forth, and the difference between their churches and ours….I didn’t take a ton of notes.

They reminded us to be intentional about involving children in God’s worship, Word, and work each week.  I can more than get down with that.  Something about children being visible during worship motivates coming before God with more humility/childlike-ness.  At one of the worship services, a motion song was done, that I honestly had very little motivation to wave my arms around during.  However, the same song was done at another time with a small group of children on stage, and I jumped right in.  Not because one service was more “genuine” or whatever than the other….but simply seeing children enjoying the physical expressions of the song…led to a more natural involvement in those expressions myself.  And that’s not even scratching the surface on what it offers both the Christ-community and those children involved. 🙂

They gave the acronym “HOME” as we ask ourselves how we can realistically start to see changes/movements in our approach to ministry.  To begin and desire “Healthy Homes”.  To pursue and instruct “Ongoing Obedience”.  To provide and resource for “Meaningful Milestones” in the lives of those moving from child to adulthood.  Finally, to be “Engaging Everyone”, connecting our ministries and efforts to and between every generation/background present.

Much of this goes against popular thoughts (at least thoughts that I’ve heard) that are content to label as “healthy” churches that are growing in number….when all the growth is happening with young adults, making friends with more young adults, who are inviting their young adult friends. (seriously, young adults, did you know you were a hot commodity among churches?  I say demand a gift card and free babysitting, at least. 😉  )  On the flip side, I’ve also heard some speak of churches filled to the brim with only elderly, content to let those churches fade quietly into the sunset.  I think both sides of this coin are unhealthy, and at worst damaging to a community seeking all that God has for us.

At this point in the conference, I was getting just a little weary of all the bragging about how “God is at work through a movement called D6”, and wanted to say that D6 was just our latest (pretty good) attempt to join God in what He is already moving toward and desiring to accomplish.  I think it had something to do with the sales pitches for all things D6, and the relentless advertising by this publication or that must-have ministry tool.

Nevertheless….good things. 🙂

I’ve heard Doug speak a number of times, and read several of his books both in preparation for, and in the midst of ministry.  You probably have too.  What I haven’t heard him speak on much until this, was the aspect of parenting…other than talking about “boundaries” he has to protect his wife and family, and other random stories from his podcasts.

That seemed to be a large part of his focus here as well.  When we think of the question “Okay, so now that we’re all on board as pastors, desiring for more to be happening in the homes of our church members in the way of making disciples and living out faith throughout the week…..what do we do next?”, Doug brings the not-so-obvious answer – “Start in our own homes.”

I’d confess that prior to this conference, praying with my spouse had not been something we thought about fitting in somewhere.  Sure, we’d pray together at meals.  We’d pray as a family during the girls’ bedtime ritual often.  But to actually pray together, apart from our kids/meals….and not just because there’s an emergency? 

It’s already been a nice change…and reminds us, sometimes through desire, and sometimes through ritual…that our marriage is a priority.  Both for us…and for the God who made two become one…and continues to hold us.

The fact that our families as Christians can be examples for those who are seeking a “New” way of being a family.  A path apart from the destruction and self-motivated maneuvering found in the world.  That a family can also exhibit how the church body can exist…freed from self and positioning, practicing self-less Love, Hoping together toward what comes next, and sharing common Faith in the God who is making all things New.

Although I’d have to say I was a little disappointed in one of his main points (“Focus on Your Own D$&* Family”), that seemed to be popular with much of the crowd…simply for it’s crudeness.  Nevertheless, the point was…before we begin trying to “fix” other homes in our church, we need to be aware of how much priority our own family has.  As pastors, we need to change the expectations that we’re overworked and present at every single event our church has.  When “off” or “on vacation”, or even home after work…to “unplug”, and disconnect from communication avenues to focus on family. 

He called us to “serve ice cream” at home, putting as much energy into making your home attractive as you do your church/ministry.  Which, as someone not too particularly motivated to make our youth ministry “attractive”…I still get what he’s saying.  And finally, he asked the question of us as pastors, “What are you doing to make sure it’s a privilege that mom/dad is a pastor?”  Offering stories of things he’s done…kinda “all-access” type, movie night, friends lock-in, swim in baptistery, etc.  🙂