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Okay okay, don’t worry…I’m not losin’ any love for John Wesley. But it’s occurred to me a major difference between him and myself. Wesley traveled all over the place, preaching, teaching, admonishing, launching ministries, etc. To the point where he even authored many things while riding horseback between events in his life. It is a big difference:

I am a family man.

I think the same could be said for *gasp* Jesus also. While there is an incredible amount to gain by paying attention to the life and ministry of both of these men (one more than the other, for obvious reasons), I think we generally overlook the lacking element of being a husband (a decent one, at least, in Wesley’s case) and a father.

Thankfully, I have had some pretty good men in my life. Men who have lived out what it meant to be a good husband and father. Yet still, in Christianity we see Pastors and lay people alike, seeking to reflect the ministry of men like these, as opposed to the heart and Spirit. Plates are full, and we run around trying to make sure every plate continues to spin without crashing; all the while adding a few more here and there.

Would it be more productive to not get married and/or have kids, and be able to devote more of my time and energy to the work of the Church? Yup. For the past 6 years, and the rest of my life, the church I minister among will be forced to recognize I’m a father and a husband. My church does a great job of embracing that role in me, and giving me freedoms to do it well, even if I don’t always seem to.

As Christians, and especially as those in ministry (I know our jobs are extremely taxing sometimes, but I also know we have certain freedoms that assist us in achieving “balance” that others seriously envy.) we need to be husbands and fathers who practice an example of Kingdom work through being spouses and parents. Maybe even by letting a few of the plates crash, or be spun by others, so that we can spend time and resources on our families and marriages.

We’ve been trained that the work of the Kingdom is “saving souls”. When we reduce the ministry to that, then yes….it becomes easy to sacrifice family time for trying to convince one more sinner to repent. But when I view my family and my marriage as a crucial part of my ministry…as one who says with Christ, “follow me”…then I must set marital and familial health as high goals.

I don’t say all of this as someone who has figured it out, by any means. I’m simply giving myself a lecture prior to a busy Fall, and allowing others to hear it; in hopes that maybe someone else needed to hear these words also. 🙂

In the late 1890’s, a group of German psychologists were performing experiments to test the minds’ ability to remember short term. First, they gave a list of nonsense words to a group of people to memorize. A day later, they tested the group, who had no problems recalling the list. Second, they gave the same list to a different group to memorize, but this time gave a 2nd list of words immediately after learning the first. The next day, this group was unable to remember the initial set of words.

But in a third group, they gave a first list to memorize. Then after a delay of two hours, were given the second list to study. As with the first group, these had little trouble recalling the initial set of nonsense words. What does this tell us?

As noted with research on boxers in the late 1800’s, “a memory, even a strong one, remains unstable for a brief period after it’s formed.”

If you’re like me, you’ve immediately begun thinking about practical applications for something like this. Not the least of which – how to encourage families (including my own) to chew on the Word of God brought to the table each Sunday morning throughout the week? Or in schooling, how to make sure that when our children learn something, they can remember it the following day?

By slowing down the pace of life. By reducing the speed at which new activities come. After a lesson or message, paying attention to what comes next. Not jumping right into something that requires large amounts of thought. Of course we also know that reinforcing a topic through repetition, review, and discussion can all help in large ways also.

Which kinda makes the average school day seem less effective, as students move from attaching their brains to one hose of information to the next, with very little time in between to solidify the memory of that knowledge. It seems like it would do parents some good to try and “bring to the surface” each class individually from that day, and after each discussion give some downtime to allow those memories to catch. If anything, to try and schedule the class your student struggles in either just before lunch, or at the end of the day. Although then perhaps you have to fight the anxious distractions of “I’m just about to leave.” syndrome.  I’m thankful for our choice to home-school, and the flexibility it offers each of our children as they grow and learn.

As for the Word of God that comes to us New every morning? That upon receiving it, we would spend time, either alone in quiet, or around a table (with food? 🙂 ) discussing and reviewing it together. Which points to meals together after church as being more than just a “nice Sabbath family tradition”, and more of a “vital Sabbath family practice” to encourage the long-term working of God’s Word in our hearts and lives.

In either case, if we want something to be remembered…we stay OFF the internet for a while after it. The immediate requirements placed on our working memory while we use the web fights against our brains ability to consolidate long-term memories into our identity.

When someone asks you where you grew up, you immediately begin to think about memories from your childhood.  I remember riding the bus to school for a couple hours every morning, as we were at the beginning of the bus route.  I remember watching the group of Indians set up their Teepee’s in the cornfield across the street from our house.  I remember riding my bike to McDonald’s the first day it was open, to be among the very first customers.  I remember working at the “Can Return” counter of the grocery store, sorting cans and bottles by their brand, and getting pop/beer all over my arms doing it…ew..:)  These are all just a few of the cool things I remember about growing up in Mid-Michigan, born in 1981.

So I was thinking recently, that all of these things we’re doing as a family, could possibly end up as defining moments they remember as they recount their “growing up” to others someday.  As their first room mate in college asks them, laying on their bunks, getting to know each other…”So what was it like growing up?”

I realize the time and energy we put into creating family moments and memories may not actually accomplish them being cemented in memory and heart forever.  They may remember the small, seemingly insignificant moments where daddy sat on the floor playing “Pretty Pretty Princess”, or when mommy helped do their hair up in a bun for ballet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

But it’s also possible…they’ll remember that almost every year we went to the Illinois State Fair.  That daddy drove the bus for the “Seniors” from our church for Senior Day, and usually took the family along.  That Grandpa and Grandma usually came with too, which meant they got to ride the ponies!!  That there was a life-size cow completely sculpted out of butter, aptly named the “Butter Cow”.  That they actually got to MILK a real cow, and watch that stream of white squirt out when they squeezed, just like they’d read about in “Ma and Pa” (Little House on the Prarie)  That while our oldest was chewing her corn-dog, she realized her very first tooth was loose!!  And this year, we were able to randomly feed a baby camel as well…which was the highlight of MY day! (mommy enjoyed it too, but yanked her hand back so fast it disappeared on camera. 🙂

Remembering that these moments may stick with them, not just as memories but as “this is what it was like…”, certainly makes me want to breathe slower in the midst of them.  Pray through them.  Speak words of love and hope into these moments.  Because these same moments, also have potential for me to recount someday as my grandkids ask me, “What was mommy like when she was my age?”
But I’m probably thinking too far ahead….:)