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As we’re moving toward celebrating our 10 year anniversary, especially coming off Thanksgiving week, I’m increasingly aware of how thankful I am for my wife and the life we continue to build together.

A couple years ago, Time magazine had an  article titled “Marriage: What’s it Good For?“.  It reveals how much our world needs Marriage.  Not simply people who will get married for happiness, economic partnerships, equal rights, or to procreate, have families and chase an ambiguous dream.  But men and women who pray together, “May our relationship reveal the nature of Christ’s relationship with the Church.”

In the article, Belinda Luscombe writes about PEW Research Center’s new findings on changes in marriage statistics.  She makes some sweeping general statements like “we found is that marriage, whatever its social, spiritual or symbolic appeal, is in purely practical terms just not as necessary as it used to be.”  I believe those same statistics are actually a testimony and renewed call for Marriages that reflect Christ to exist.  How does that happen?  By recognizing the false measurements and foundations used by this exact study.

She seems confused, “Neither men nor women need to be married to have sex or companionship or professional success or respect or even children–yet marriage remains revered and desired.”  Amen!  What a testimony that a marriage relationship is more than simply a means to an end!!

Then she jumps into other stats, “The Pew survey reveals nearly 40% of us think marriage is obsolete.”  She quotes a sociologist Andrew Cherlin, saying “Getting married is a way to show family and friends that you have a successful personal life.  It’s like the ultimate merit badge.”  The progression there is, with more people choosing to live together before marriage (mostly in low income situations), there is less inherent “value” in such a badge.

It’s disappointing that in the entire article, there is not one mention of “covenant”.  The closest she gets is quoting a Marriage educator that, “Marriage is like glue.  You can build something with it.  Living together is like Velcro.”

We believe we have been designed to live in relationship with others.  Each of us is incomplete as an individual.  This leads many of us to marry.  Marriage is given to us as a gift, a covenant relationship where God’s relationship with humanity can be revealed.  He offers Covenant with us, His Love and Forgiveness, and desiring to spend time drawing closer to each other toward what He has revealed will come.  We enter into marriage with that same Love and covenant…not simply an economic, romantic partnership where we strive to achieve “happiness” and feel like we’ve failed or we should move on during days where we feel like less than mountain-top experiences.  Luscombe closes with the statement, “Yet marriage is still the best avenue most people have for making their dreams come true.”

Nope.  Marriage is not healthy when it is viewed primarily as a path to making our “dreams” come true.  As romantic and desirable and marketable as that seems, it can still quickly lead to brokenness without a context for healing.

There is Love.  There is romance.  There are all sorts of things with the gift of marriage that offer to make it an amazing and enjoyable life-long experience. But we receive it as covenant, it is a window into the heart God has for His bride, the Church.  When we do, it reveals Him to a world that needs to hear God’s covenant Love for us, and offers a reminder to others who are caught up pursuing other reasons to marry/be married.

Here in the (Church/marriage relationship), is a place we can be broken, genuine, honest, imperfect, and released from burdens of performance and measurement…and still incredibly loved, valued, and pursued…together.

Here we go again with another “Five Minute Friday” post!  To learn more about “Five Minute Friday” (FMF), check out the linked image here.  Basically, each week there’s a word given for you to write about.  You start writing, no back-tracking, editing, etc.  At the end of 5 minutes, you stop.  Then you post it, and share in the community of words that were birthed during these 24-ish hours.  It’s cool stuff.
So here’s this week’s response to the word: “Thank You”

I posted a lot of my thoughts on “thankfulness” earlier this week already, but seeing the phrase always brings something new to mind.  I remember singing “Thank You, Lord” in a worship band back in college, and every time we sang it – there seemed to be something new brought to mind.  So many times, it was something about the girl I was dating at the time (now my wife).

But because it was during a “traveling worship band” season, often it had to do with the ministry I was allowed/called to do.   Seeing the lives of teenagers during some very “open to God” moments.  Being a part of what I knew would be “life changing moments”, simply because I still remembered those moments from my own teenage years.  Trying not to think about that one or two teenagers in the back of the audience whom I knew really needed to internalize their thankfulness for God – knowing it had the potential to change their lives.

I’m thankful that I’m not in control of changing lives.

I can live my life in such a way that fosters the environment for a changed life.  But in ministry, in my personal life, in my family – the burden does not lay across my back to bring transformation.  As awesome as Dr.Leman is, even “Having a New Child By Friday” is no guarantee of the Fruit of the Spirit.  Thankfully – we trust God for something like that.  It used to be campers….and now when I sing – “Thank You, Lord”…it’s my own children….

Done.

Whew.  I’m also thankful for these “Five Minute Fridays”.  I never know where they’ll lead…but it usually tastes good…

So how has God transformed your thankfulness over the past decade?

I’m thankful for the struggles I’ve gone through in life.  I’m thankful for God’s presence through some very rough patches, that have continued to form who I am, and who I’m becoming. Like most people, I didn’t have a perfect life growing up.  There were imperfections, trials, etc…but there were also beautiful moments of transformation.  There were words spoken of hope, and identity in Christ.   There were moments of trust and love seemingly undeserved – that went to the very core of my being.  I’m thankful for a life that lent itself to being sensitive to moments like those.   If life had been perfect, I’m not sure how aware I would have been of all God was offering me.

We were reminded last night of Moses warning the people of Israel before they entered the promised land.  Warning them that as they experience prosperity, they will also experience less of a need for God.  Less of a natural thankfulness for all He’s doing for them.  He knew that prosperity would lead them to exalt “self”, and gain confidence in their own power and might.

We have more than a small amount of that these days.  We’re also told by most sources, that the best way to raise your children is to give them everything they need.  Some might even say, everything they want.  Especially this time of year, we sit them on Santa’s lap and listen closely to what they tell him.  We hope that we can provide most of the significant things they whisper.  Many of us justify it, also, by saying to ourselves, “I want to give my kids to kind of ______ that I never had.”  We put band-aids over growing up “in want” by trying to give our kids everything off their list.

The result?  Kids who want even more.  Who move from one source of pleasure to the next, embracing a toy about as long as a sucker, and only getting upset at it’s absence when their sibling tries to check it out.

I’m thankful for all that not having a car has led me into experiencing.  When our second car died earlier this year, we had (and still have) the choice to go looking for a cheap replacement.  I never really stressed about it, and figured God might actually bring one our way, as He has twice in the past already.  But this time, no call came from a philanthropic car owner.  I learned how to navigate our city’s bus system, and have had great times meeting new people, and getting growled at by those who don’t carry the label “Morning Person” like I do.  Just 2 weeks ago, my bus driver (named “Bubbles”), asked me, “I know you’re just a youth pastor, but would you pray?”  She shared about her son, and another family friend who were going through large struggles.  I’ve been praying since, and look forward every time I get to remind her she’s not carrying the burden alone.

So what does all of this mean?  I’m not sure I could summarize it well enough.  But I think it gives us permission to buy our children less, allow them to not get everything off their list, and learn to be thankful for what they do have.  It means living our life “palms up”, always ready to receive, and always willing to give – thankfully in the name of Jesus…