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Tag: family
another confession.
There’s something I need to confess. Both personally, and professionally. It’s happened more than once. I’m not proud of it. In fact, one of the reasons I’m putting it into words is to remind myself and others that it’s happened. It may be happening even now. I’ll give you a quick story to illustrate:
Once a week, the pastors & staff of our church gather to pray for the needs of our church. These are “requests” submitted on the “Friendship Folders” found in every pew of our sanctuary. On Sunday morning, our members do much more than simply let us know they’re sitting in the pew that morning. Many of them take a moment to ask for specific prayers, and we respond by reading those, and praying. It’s a really neat thing to be a part of, and I’m usually in awe of the faithfulness of some prayers, and the candid “specificness” of others. This is usually the longest portion of our Wednesday staff meetings.
After this, we go through an “absentee” report. This report looks at the attendence records of all our regular attenders, and compiles a list of anyone who has missed 3 times in a row. That’s usually a sign that something might be happening, and we want to make sure we’re making contact with those we’ve not seen in a while. Not because “you gotta get in church!!!” But because we’re a family…and if someone in your family doesn’t show up for a meal-time on a regular basis, love compels you start to ask questions.
That’s when it usually happens. We’re all reading through the list of names together, and someone asks about a name aloud. “Does anyone know how ______ is doing?” More than once, I’ve responded in that moment. Not out of relationship. Not out of conversation that you and I had, during which you told me about something going on in your life. From where, then? Usually, something I saw posted on social media. It’s made me realize a truth I need to confess, not only to the attenders of our church, but my own friends and family:
I make claims to “How you are doing” based on information I picked up second-hand.
This is probably not all that big of a deal. Many of us actually post things online, so that people we’re connected to will know what’s happening in our lives. It’s kinda the point. The danger comes, when experiencing “relationship” by way of “information” becomes the default way we begin to relate to those we care about. Far too many people in our lives want to be truly “known”, and not simply “known about”. From the most important relationship I have with any human being, my wife…all the way out to someone on the edges of my relationships: we want to be known. (see Martin Buber’s “I and Thou” to realize this is not a new need)
It’s something many of us realized about God at some point. To know about Him is not the same thing as knowing Him. Yet here we are, many of us settling for that same level of relationship with those we care about. It’s understandable that it happens, really. With the amount of data that streams into our lives on a daily basis, we are sometimes doing well to even notice the relevant information on those we care about.
Now, I’m not about to “give up” the ability I have to “know about” what’s happening in the lives of so many people….by dumping social media altogether. But I do think it’s important to remember: information is not relation.
So that’s my challenge for myself: To have more one-on-one conversations. To call someone on the phone, and ask how they’re doing. To look at my spouse across the table, letting go of the “information” I have about what’s happening in her life and genuinely ask as if I don’t know how to answer, “How are you today?” To let go of the pictures I may have seen of my children posted/sent during the day, and curiously ask them with a smile on my face, “How was your day today??”
What does the challenge look like for you??
the story we wanted him to write.
I remember back in early April 2012. We were right on the threshold of a new adventure in following God’s call for our family. We’d made the decision to adopt internationally, and felt God leading us to learn more, and grow a love for the people and country of the Democratic Republic of the Congo. We’d been warned by several others, “this is an expensive process.” “This is a journey with many unknowns.” With smiles on our faces, we nodded. We were aware. We looked forward to the story God would write as we handed him a new stack of blank pages for the future of our family.
But we already knew what he would write. The pages may not have been completely blank.
He was going to write a difficult but charming story of how a small midwestern family in full time ministry overcame great odds, and the impossible financial realities of a single ministry income, to bring home a beautiful baby girl from the Congo. It would be an amazing story and illustration that encourages every family to realize just how much of an impact they can make on the world, even if they aren’t a “power family” according to their status and income.
So far, that’s not been quite the story.
After connecting with a great organization for quite a while, they ended up being much more focused on other efforts in the DRC. That was fine while we were being processed, and finishing our homestudy. But over a year into the process we finally felt released to switch to a new agency. It seemed like prayers were answered, as immediately we received a referral. We prayed for God to care for her, and put it completely in His hands. We shared her picture with our children/friends. Then her parents came to pick her up.
So here we are, back at the top of the “waiting list”, and the DRC has currently stopped issuing VISA’s for adopted children to leave the country. They’re investigating specific cases of unethical practices from non-US countries, and making a statement while they do it. It’s ultimately a good thing, as everyone involved genuinely wants the best for these children. God has definitely used this time to help us learn more about the country, the people, and pray for the instability and fighting to cease. This season shouldn’t impact us, because…well, it seems we’ll still be waiting a while.
If God had asked me as a young child what I wanted Him to do in my life, things would look quite a bit different from what currently is. In reality, I’d probably be running around as the 5th Ninja Turtle. So that’s obviously not the point I want to make here. What I do want to do, is point out: I don’t believe God is “making” this process difficult on purpose, as a sort of cosmic response of “I’ll teach you, Chadwick.”
I don’t believe God caused most of the difficult circumstances that have happened in my life, or in the lives of those I love…or your life. Whether it’s the brokenness of your home growing up, or the economic struggles we’re currently facing as a nation. He has granted humanity freedom out of His great love for us. But I do believe God can write redemption into whatever story is happening due to the loving freedom He has granted humanity.
The story may not be the one we “wanted” Him to write as we handed him the paper and pen. He may not be following the script we attempt to whisper into his divine ear every evening. But He is still writing a beautiful story of hope and healing. He offers to do the same in your life even today. How will you respond to His invitation to be a part of New Creation?
Our story may not convince people that adoption is an easy/do-able choice. But it may help paint a picture of what a family stubbornly relying on God looks like. An image of parents who talk and pray with their children about a broken world. Human beings yielding themselves to following God’s call…even as that call is largely unknown and uncontrollable. As we’ve seen throughout scripture, He’s pretty good at knowing where such a story should lead…
words from wick 